January 13, 2010

New Friends

So I mentioned a while back that Jerry's best friend was sort of drifting away. These things happen, I know. People grow apart. Blah, blah, blah. But it's just so painful when you're not the one doing the leaving. So I've been taking on all this angst and pain and letting Jerry's hurts be mine and wow is that a bad idea. It made me grouchy and sad and short tempered (and being sick didn't help). I guess if Jerry were my second or third child I would already know that I can't take on his battles. I can stand by and offer support, but it doesn't really do a lot of good for me to stand beside him and fight. Or for me to do his fighting for him. So I figured that out. And I stopped checking his friend's Facebook page. [Pathetic, I know. But I was trying to figure out a) Why he was so mean to Jerry on New Year's Eve (his girlfriend broke up with him), b) If maybe he's just been busy (doesn't seem like it), and c) If the meanness had extended to the internet (no).] And I decided to just accept the fact that friends change, it can be painful, and we all have to figure out how to cope.

I feel so much better now that I'm just the facilitator. I'm on the side, driving him to the opportunities where he can make friends. I'm scheduling play dates and sleep overs and I'm offering an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on when needed. I'm not spending all day thinking up new friend-making opportunities. I'm not wallowing in Jerry's pity. I'm just letting things be. And guess what? It turns out a person can just let things be and the sky doesn't fall.

So there you have it. My new motto. "Let it be." (Except for my house--we're purging and getting rid of stuff and organizing. I definitely do not want to let my house be.) Of course, just because that's my new motto doesn't mean I'll stick with it. But it'll be a good reminder to kind of mind my own business.

Anyway, the fabulous happy news of the day is that Jerry had a sleep over with a new friend last night! Yippee! And we have a new park day that we've been going to where I really, really like the other moms (there are only eight of us) and the kids. It's a bit of a drive but the location is lovely and there are a good number of boys there that are close to Jerry's age. And he likes it.

There's more good stuff I could write about, but Warren just started brewing coffee, put Tom Waits on the CD-player ('Ol 55) and put a piece of warm, buttered corn bread in front of me. It's raining outside, it's warm in my kitchen, and I need to go enjoy my life!


Obi-Mom Kenobi said...

That's an absolutely brilliant life motto.

JJ Ross said...

Heck, I want to know what new motto has gotten into WARREN! :)

Shady Lady said...

When one door closes, another one opens...

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Zayna said...

I think it's just a Mom thing to want to fix your kids' problems. But I agree that we all get to a point where we can see that maybe they don't need as much help as we want to give them. ;)

And I'm doing the same thing over here with my house. Purging, organizing and cleaning...'tis the season.

Mmmmm warm buttered corn bread, served to you no less. Awesome!

Cate said...

Hi buddy - finally back touring my blog friends! There's too much to comment on in one go, however, two things spring to mind: my kids saw Avatar in 3D in Sydney (Bronte got motion sick :-) ) - and let Warren know that both (especially Jonathan) LOVED it.

Also, Jonathan has bought himself and x-box in the past few months too, so we need to get these boys to connect up!

Glad to hear that you are doing well,