I'm not so new anymore but back when I was new here's what happened: after three days of "teaching" my sixth grade son at home, I realized our relationship would never recover from an entire year of math worksheets, English lessons, and the feelings of frustration which marked the end of our, admittedly few, days. So this blog documents our first year of unschooling--the good, the bad, and the better--and then it just keeps on going...
When Jerry got the first Super Mario Galaxy game and asked me to play I was excited. But the excitement died when I discovered that, as player 2, my contribution was limited to collecting stars and freezing enemies. Where was the glory? When did I get to kick some ass? Eventually, I gave up out of sheer boredom.
Last week, Jerry and I played a game of Super Mario Galaxy 2. Once again, I was player 2. But this time I could also obliterate enemies by shaking the remote. A minor change, really. But, something else was different, too–my attitude. I thought of myself as the support crew. I wasn't there to win–I was there to support Jerry. And once I accepted that I was the sidekick, I had fun–especially once it hit me that my role as player 2 in the Super Mario Galaxy games is exactly the same as my role as an unschooling parent! I'm along for the ride. I'm not leading the way, but every now and then I throw in something new. Sometimes it's helpful and Jerry wants me to keep at it and sometimes he asks me to back off. But, I'm always covering his back–freezing enemies, collecting stars, asking where he wants me, and occasionally suggesting one tactic or another. It's a team effort, getting Jerry where he wants to go, but he sets the destination and leads the way. I'm happy to follow along behind, collecting stars as I go.
We went to see Video Games Lives last night. It's was an evening of video game music (with game images projected onto several big screens) played by a full orchestra with a choir. And it's absolutely amazing. Watch this trailer for the upcoming PBS special (and be sure to watch the special when it airs!) to get a taste of what we experienced.
Pretty cool, right? I can't even begin to tell you how wonderful it is to be in an auditorium full of people who are just as excited about video games as Jerry. We took Jerry's friend, Shea, with us and he loved it, too. The boys were beaming when we walked out of the theater.
Getting to the theater in the first place was a little tricky, however, because game 7 of the NBA finals was happening right next door! Originally, I only had two tickets and I was going to drop Jerry and Shea off at the Kodak Theater, which is in Hollywood, and go have dinner at the Hollywood and Highland mall. But the day of the show I realized I was mistaken. The show was at the Nokia Theater, which is right next to the Staple Center! Luckily, I decided I didn't want to be wandering the street with all those Lakers fans (not that I have anything against them–I married one). I just didn't think it would be very safe. So, I found a ticket on Craigslist and agreed to meet the guy just before the show near the box office. We made one other change in plans, as well, and decided to take the subway rather than driving. It was definitely the right thing to do!
We got off the subway and walked toward the theater and about 2 blocks before the Staple Center we came to a row of cops. Actually, it was more like a wall of cops. No, make that a sea. It was unbelievable and completely freaky. They were all saying, "Tickets. You need a ticket to get through." So I ended up explaining to about four different officers that I had tickets for Jerry and Shea, but would be picking up my ticket at the box office. Here they are from the back (once we made it through the blockade). It's hard to see because we were in the shade and I was using my phone camera, but those are all cops. And there were a lot more across the street.
Anyway, we made it to the theater at last.
And I got my ticket. And we went in together.
I sat in my own seat away from the boys for the first half. But during intermission, Jerry said the seat next to him was empty, so I was able to sit next to him for the rest of the show. He got all teary when they played Megaman, followed by Halo. It was very sweet.
I just love the passion that gamers have. I was thinking, as I was sitting there watching the show, how lucky I am that unschooling brought me to this acceptance and celebration of Jerry's passions.
Oh, I almost forgot to mention the other event that was going on nearby, just beyond the Staples Center. E3!! The Video Game and Electronic Entertainment Expo. So, there were lots of guest conductors coming onto the stage. They were the composers of the music we were hearing and it was so neat to hear them talk about their inspiration for the music.
I know I already said it, but I just have to say again how cool it was to be in an auditorium full of people who share Jerry's passion for games. There was a 16-year-old kid sitting in front of us that was just bopping along to the music–head and shoulders moving to the Mario beat. And when the guy who played the Mario theme blindfolded on the piano asked for requests, this one girl was about to faint she was shouting "FINAL FANTASY 7!!!!" so loud. She got her wish later, when the full orchestra played it. :)
All in all it was terrific evening. We made it back to the subway all in one piece. The revelers from the Laker game weren't too obnoxious to do any damage (at least by the time our show was over) and we were still buzzing from the excitement when we got home.
We'll be making a trip to Blockbuster today to check out some of the games that were in the show last night. The fun never ends when the world is your classroom!
Jerry's latest passion is the World of Warcraft game. I don't know much about it, but I did recently read an article about how "video games are becoming the new hotbed of scientific thinking for kids today." And WoW was featured heavily in the article. Then, yesterday, we were driving over to Jerry's dog walking job and he started talking about selling stuff on the game (things like tools or potions, I think). He said he always sells his stuff really fast because he looks at the prices other people are selling the same or similar items for and then he prices his items one to five gold pieces lower.
So, science and economics education via World of Warcraft. Cool.
Big thanks to Susan for posting about my book drive on her blog! It never occurred to me to ask before, but if you have your own blog, please consider telling your readers, too.
We're back from our trip to New York! It was fabulous. The Nintendo World Store was everything Jerry had imagined (minus one floor), I was so happy to see my old (and one new!) friends, and Warren was able to spend his birthday exploring the Big Apple. I can't write a full post about it yet because the pictures haven't been downloaded, but I just wanted to say we're back. You should have a full report of our time away by Monday.
We're finally home. And we made it just in time for a quick shower, an even quicker dinner and Video Games Live at the Greek. We must have had a good luck fairy looking over our shoulder because not only were we at the front of a line of cars in the extremely annoying and overpriced stacked parking, but the orchestra played the Megaman theme. Jerry actually wept with joy. He was that happy. It was great to be surrounded by people who have embraced video games as an acceptable form of entertainment. As the parent of a gamer it really bugs me that games get such a bad wrap in our society. More on that later, though. I'm going to go curl up under a blanket and watch a movie with Jerry. It's good to be home!
P.S. If there is a gamer in your life run (don't walk) to the nearest Video Games Live show. It's AWESOME!!!!!
We went to the Elves' Faire at Jerry's old school yesterday. Yep, he went to a Waldorf school for five years before we went to "school-at-home" for a whopping three days and then, out of sheer desperation, to unschooling. I don't regret our decision a bit but can I just say that I love his old school? I don't love the playground politics or the getting there bright and early and picking him up after seven hours only to struggle with homework until well into the evening.
But, I love that campus. And I love the people. And I love the peaceful feeling I get from being there--especially now that I can go to enjoy myself and visit old friends instead of working like a dog! In the past I've been in charge of costumed characters, usually taking a turn as one of the characters (the fortune fairy) myself. This was the first time I've ever gone to the Elves' Faire strictly for enjoyment. It was great!
I swiped that picture from my friend Jim's Flickr page (without asking...). Thanks Jim!
At park day last week one of my homeschool friends was saying she tends to think of parents at the Waldorf school as of a bunch of rich people dressed in funky (but super expensive) clothes. She knows that's not the case, she said, but that's the impression the Waldorf school gives. It's not my experience of the school at all, though. Sure there were some people I'd consider rich and there were a handful that shop in places where I can't even afford to breathe the air. But for the most part they are families who really believe in the Waldorf philosophy. Still, her comment made me think about the way people view homeschoolers.
When Jerry and I were at the hostel in Marin a couple weeks ago we were talking to one of the women that was staying there and she asked about Jerry's school. As soon as we told her we homeschooled I could see the wheels turning in her mind. She was making all kinds of assumptions about us: "social misfit....over-protective mother...ultra-religious...weird." I'm always amazed at how it's possible to actually see these thoughts flow through someone's mind. It's like they're flipping through a rolodex of qualities (none of them good) we surely possess.
Anyway, back to revisiting the Waldorf school. Some of you may be wondering how we went from Waldorf to unschooling since they're on completely different ends of the control spectrum. Waldorf keeps the kids in a very controlled environment. It's an environment of peace, serenity, beauty, music, watercolors, hand-crafted toys, and stories by candle light. I love that environment. But it turns out Jerry wasn't so keen on it. While we were trying to give him the best of the "old world" childhood (minus the infectious diseases and poor hygiene) he was dying to break out into the 21st century childhood of Nintendo and Club Penguin. Granted, we never went full on Waldorf. He was allowed screen time on weekends but our opinions ruled. And our opinion was that screen time was wasted time, or worse, it was detrimental time.
You can throw a stone and hit a study that says television and video games are ruining our children. But there are a fair amount of studies (you may have to look a little harder) that show us there's nothing wrong with video games or television and, in fact, the screen time we were so wary of offers opportunities for developing qualities and skills that are very much in demand in today's world. Personally, I'm not sure any of these studies has much relevance in our lives. It's possible to find a study on just about anything that will back up your own personal feelings so I think we have to take them with a grain (or ten) of salt. Still, it makes me feel better to know that some people think video games can help rather than hinder a child's development.
In the end, though, none of that really matters because when we opted to unschool we chose to take Jerry's interests seriously. And he's seriously interested in video game and computers and television. So we did a complete 180 and (after a few failed attempts at partial control) decided to give Jerry the freedom to choose how he spends his time.
We're obviously still working on being more accepting of his choices. When I start to worry (like I was the other day) I find the best solution is to keep my mouth shut, post something about my concerns here (devour the comments), read some posts at the Unschooling Basics Yahoo! group, and talk to other unschoolers about the issue. I'm usually feeling better about things in a day or two. If I'm not feeling better, at the very least, I have a plan of action--and a plan always makes me feel better.
My current plan is this:
Plan more Jerry approved outings during the week. Even just going to the library gets him off the couch and out into the world so the outings don't need to be big.
Spend more time hanging out with Jerry during the day. If he's watching television I'll watch with him. If he's playing video games I'll sit beside him and read out loud. I think I just need to devote more time to him. If I'm right next to him he'll be more likely to suggest that we do something together.
Find out how I can expand on his video game/computer/television interests. I've posted a request for ideas on Unschooling Basics and I have a few ideas of my own. I think my support of these interests needs to be more active.
So that's the plan. As much as I need to respect Jerry's interests, I also need to help him make choices that will enhance his life. Hopefully more choices and more time together will mean more time spent off the couch. And more time off the couch will make Warren stop saying he thinks Jerry would be better off in school. And it'll give Jerry more energy. And it'll keep me from waking up at 3 in the morning to read Sandra Dodd and Joyce Fetterol and the unschooling e-groups. And then I'll have more energy. And then my house will be clean all the time and I'll become super organized and I might even start a daily exercise regimen and I'll lose weight and--Oh my God this is going to be GREAT!
Last week's freak out didn't last too long. I spoke to my friend Robin on the phone and she set me straight. Park day was better last week, though I've decided not to coerce him into going any more. Well, I'll try my hardest to get him to go but I won't insist. Or bribe him. He's still at the computer more than I'd like but he seems to be moving away from it again.
The other day we made a list of things we'd like to be doing or working on and I think I'm going to get a big black board for the kitchen so we can list them. I feel like do too much meandering during the day and I was thinking that if we could see the things on the list we'd be more likely to do them. The list includes things like: learn about the history of anime and manga, sign up for classes at the science center, do something to make the world a better place, decorate jerry's bedroom (we're making a "One Piece" quilt) that kind of stuff. So far we've completed a few but there are many left.
Here's some good news. The MacArthur Foundation recently released a Major New Study That Shatters Stereotypes About Teens and Video Games. They discovered that "game playing is universal, diverse, often involves social interaction, and can cultivate teen civic engagement." But I guess most unschoolers already knew that.
At circus class yesterday, for the very first time, I felt like I'd actually made some progress. I managed to get upside down on the silks on my very first try (while swinging, no less!) and I can even get upside down on the trapeze without any help now. I also managed to balance on the trapeze with no hands. Woohoo!
They changed the classes around a couple weeks ago and I think my success is partly due to the change. I'm not in the class with all the super talented teens anymore. I'm in the next one down. At first they had arranged classes by age but my friend's son wanted to be with the older kids so I told her I'd switch. I'd been worrying about how I was going to keep up my morale if everyone in the class was so much more advanced than me. So, yes, I'm working with kids who are quite a bit younger than teens, but they're closer to my ability level. And I get to run around with some of the cutest little girls I know. Luckily there are a few kids that moved down from the super talented teens class and we divide up in two groups so those of us from the other class can still work on some of the more advanced stuff--but this time I get to learn the basics of how to do the moves instead of just learning them on the fly.
So that's pretty cool. I'll see if I can get Jerry to take some more video next week. I tried to talk him into it this week but he wasn't interested.
We've started the sixth Harry Potter audio book. We were in Jerry's playroom yesterday from about 2 in the afternoon until 8 listening to it. While we listened Jerry made custom Pokemon sprites on Microsoft Paint (he loves that program) and I cleaned and organized the room. I have big plans for that room. I want to get rid of the big armoire and one book case and put his old single mattress (he recently moved up to a double) in the corner on a platform (with storage space underneath) and use it as a couch, with lots of big pillows against the wall. Then there's this giant map of the world that I want to put up that will cover almost the whole wall, so that when we're laying on the bed/couch we can look up at a giant map of the world and imagine what it must be like in the places we haven't been. We used to have a world map on the wall beside our bed and we loved laying in bed looking at it. Jerry didn't want the map at forst but he said if I could find one that had all the flags on it I could put it up. And I found one! So, that's the plan. And we're going to paint the room too.
His bedroom is changing too. Xiquan had his own bed so we moved the double bed from the guest room into Jerry's room and sold his old bed. His room really represents his personality now. He's got all his manga lined up on the headboard (it has a shelf built in) and then his customized Munnies on top of that. We bought some anime posters for the walls (they're scrolls actually--much more durable than posters) and we moved Johnny the hermit crab onto Jerry's dresser. We also cleaned out Johnny's cage and gave him new coconut fiber and he's been going crazy ever since. He loves his new digs--they both do.
So that's what's going on here. Nothing big. Sorry I haven't been responding to comments as much as I usually do. I haven't been on the computer quite as much lately. Now that Jerry spends less time with his screen stuff (by his own choice!) I don't have nearly as much of my own screen time. And I'd say that's probably a good thing.
You may remember the sad day, one of our last in New Zealand, when Jerry lost his DS Lite and all his games. It had been his constant companion throughout our trip and a life saver for both of us on museum visits. When we got back home he started to play his old DS with the two games that had been left here. Back in NZ I'd told him we'd work toward rebuilding his stash of games but even used games aren't cheap so we haven't made much (okay, any) progress. Over the weekend I put an ad on freecycle. I didn't ask for DS Lite because I figured no one would want to give one of those away, and even though Jerry prefers the DS Lite to his old DS it just didn't seem right to ask for one. I just listed all the games he'd lost and hoped for the best.
And guess what!?
Within hours of posting on freecycle I got an e-mail that said, "I have a DS Lite for you." Can you believe it!? So we picked it up today. And there was a Mario Kart game with it. Jerry is one very happy boy.
As we drove toward home Jerry clutched his new DS Lite and said, "I'm so happy to have a DS Lite again. That's the amazingness of Freecycle!"
Jerry was really down on himself the other day. He said the only thing he's good for is pushing buttons. He doesn't want to be a "techno-geek" a anymore, he said. He feels like he's lost his creativity. So my suggestion was that we take a vacation from all things techno. He agreed but said we'd have to do it together (doh!). I have a story due on Thursday so I need to use the computer until then, which means our "techno vaca," to put it in 21st century slang, will start on Friday.
But will it? Jerry's friend, Jackson, helped him rediscover his creativity later that same afternoon by suggesting a trip to Radio Shack where we loaded up on little motors, battery connectors and other electronics equipment. They're going to make a car. Jerry says they're thinking of it more as a work of art than a vehicle so it's not imperative that it be operational. They've already started working on it.
So he says he may not need the "techno vaca," but I wonder. By allowing him all this freedom to choose his own activities (and he has been completely in charge of his time) am I making things more difficult for him in the long run? Traditional parenting would say yes, I am. But what does unschooling say? And, more importantly, what does my heart say?
I'm guessing unschooling says that Jerry will find his way and be stronger for it in the end. And that may be true. But my heart says a few more gentle nudges, a detour or two on the road to the Wii or the computer, might not be such a bad thing.
It's tricky, though. I've really liked giving him freedom, trusting his choices, and keeping my nagging voice securely under wraps. I want him to have the power to make choices for himself. But I also want him to nourish his entire being. He is a creative kid. And yes, playing video games requires creativity and problem solving. But that's only one type of creativity. The video games only tap a fraction of his creative potential. What about the rest of it?
So I'm going to suggest we stick to the plan and take our "techno-vaca." It may be a looser version of the original plan but I think some kind of shift is in order, if only for a short while, to remind Jerry of his (and the world's) full potential.
Jerry's DS and all his games are gone. He left his case in the bathroom at Mission Bay. We were having a farewell picnic with a big group of friends we've made here--having a terrific time, too, when he took it with him to the bathroom, set it down while attending to his business, and walked out without it. By the time he went back it was gone. We went back to Mission Bay the following day and plastered flyers all over the place offering a $100 reward (there were about 16 games with it!). So we're keeping our fingers crossed but not holding our breath.
So if everyone could please think happy thoughts about the miraculous return of Jerry's DS and all his games we'd be most appreciative. Thanks.
Yes I would! I would, I say! I would play it here or there. I would play it anywhere. I would play it in the car, in a house, on a boat. I would play it on a plane, on a train, or with a goat. No matter where my parents drag me, I'm in my own DS tote zone. Why, Sam I Am, oh Sam, I say, I'd even play on a volcanic cone.
I just wanted to share a few posts with you from Laura at Wistful Wanderlust. I highly recommend reading all three of them, especially if you're relatively new to unschooling, or you've started unschooling an older child. They're a joy to read and give a really honest representation of her journey.
This Christmas was a video game bonanza for Jerry. He got a bunch of games for his Wii and a few DS games so he's been happily playing video games for the last few days. Jerry beat the medium level on the 80's version of Guitar Hero and he an Warren have been having a great time working their way through all the songs.
We're visiting my parents right now and will return home tomorrow. As soon as I get back I'm going to put a timeline up in the stairway of our house. I've been thinking of doing it for a while now and was inspired by Holly at Unschool Days to finally create one. I'm starting it for myself, really, but I hope Jerry will add to it eventually.
That seems to be one of the keys to making unschooling work. As a parent you need to pursue your own learning without any expectations that your child will follow along. If they do--great. If they don't you need to respect their choice. I'm thinking that enthusiasm can go a long way toward getting people (kids) interested in learning about something, but forcing that enthusiasm on somebody probably doesn't do much good. So, I'm starting the timeline for myself. I'm going to share my excitement with Jerry and hope he gets involved. I'll let you know how it goes.
Actually, I just realized that this could be another one of my RULES FOR UNSCHOOLING. Rules probably go against the whole point of unschooling, now that I think about it, but I'm creating them anyway because I think they're things I need to remember--things that will make my life easier if I can manage to remember them, that is. So Here's Rule three:
PURSUE YOUR OWN LEARNING FREE OF EXPECTATIONS THAT YOUR CHILD WILL FOLLOW ALONG.
Here's a recap the three things I need to remember:
1.) Don't assume that what works for one family will work for my own.
2.) Honor my child's feelings.
3.) Pursue my own learning free of expectations that my child will follow along.
I can think of a few more things to add to that list, now that I think about it. But I'll save those rules for another day.
I'm almost finished reading Don't Bother Me Mom--I'm Learning by Marc Prensky. After reading that book I've done a complete 180 in terms of my feelings about video and computer games. I'm so glad I made the effort to read it. A year ago I wouldn't even have entertained the idea that playing video games might be a worthwhile endeavor, let alone waste my time reading a book by some nut job claiming they were educational. I would have assumed he'd been hired by the video game industry and viewed it as pure propaganda without ever bothering to read the dust jacket. Well, I'm singing a different tune today!
Marc Prensky's book is level-headed, sincere, informative, and, most importantly, convincing. It's all about bridging the gap between 21st century kids and their antiquated parents. I'm more excited about technology now than I've ever been before. I even bought my first Nintendo DS game--in fact, I was very grateful to Jerry for letting me use his DS for most of the weekend while I was sick in bed. It was an excellent way to pass the time. Okay, so the game I bought and played was a New York Times crossword puzzle game--but still, I was gaming! Woo hoo!
Naturally, now that I'm all comfy with Jerry's video game and computer use he's been spending most of his time on the couch watching television. I'm constantly amazed at how children are able to perceive the precise moment when their parents accept a new activity or behavior and start pushing the envelope just a little further, or in another direction altogether. It forces us, as parents, to continually evaluate and adapt. It's a good thing though--keeps us on our toes. There's no room for boredom or complacency, that's for sure.
As you may know I've been opening my mind to the possibility that video games and computer use are beneficial to children. In my previous life, as Waldorf school parent, I never would have even considered the possibility that they might be anything more than an energy-sucking nuisance. But, when I decided to unschool I committed to taking Jerry's interests seriously. And boy is he interested in computer use and video games! So, I've been reading up on their benefits and it turns out there are many.
This evening I went to a panel discussion at USC called "What are Kids Learning in Virtual Worlds? The Wonders and the Worries." There were five panelists, all of them very techno-savvy and convinced of the educational value of virtual worlds and video games. The opening remarks were given by the Vice President of the MacArthur Foundation. When I got home and checked the foundation's website, I discovered that many of her remarks came from the following editorial. All of a sudden virtual worlds are sounding pretty good to me!
An excerpt from "New Generations, New Media Challenges," an opinion-editorial by Jonathan Fanton that ran in the June 19, 2007, edition of the St. Louis Post Dispatch
Research, some of it funded by the MacArthur Foundation, is just beginning to fathom how deeply our children have absorbed new technology: the role it plays in their lives and how it affects their learning, play and socialization. What this research suggests is that today's digital youth are in the process of creating a new kind of literacy; this evolving skill extends beyond the traditions of reading and writing into a community of expression and problem-solving that not only is changing their world but ours, too. . .Henry Jenkins, director of the media studies program at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, calls this a new "participatory culture," one that presents low barriers to artistic expression and social engagement that suggests that a richer environment for learning may lie outside the classroom.
Online and after school, youths in this new participatory culture are assimilating new languages and rules, vast troves of research and perspectives on the nature of order and community that vault across traditional boundaries of race or creed or culture.
In meta-games such as Civilization III and SimCity, participants develop and manipulate dynamic models of real life; they teach and legislate, create and share, connect and collaborate, reflecting the value of team-building and consensus over autonomous solutions.
Moreover, through virtual characters and identities — even some that disturb parents — teens can experiment through trial and error, make poor moral choices or learn the downside of risk-taking without jeopardizing actual careers or lives. They learn to value challenge and appreciate complexity, even as they assimilate facts and assess developments at breathtaking speed.
The downside may be that in the sunset of the old information culture, we are not understanding this new media literacy soon enough. Those who have no opportunity or desire to be part of these revolutionary digital communities may be deprived of vital virtual skills that would prepare them for full participation in the real world of tomorrow.
In this new media age, the ability to negotiate and evaluate information online, to recognize manipulation and propaganda and to assimilate ethical values is becoming as basic to education as reading and writing. The children who truly will be left behind in the evolving digital culture are those who fail to bridge this participation gap.
Here are a few links to some really cool virtual worlds:
By the way, one of the points made in the discussion was that many of these sites make money by offering advertising in the form of product placement. For example, Donna Karan clothes, or a Toyota Scion can be "purchased" and used by your child's avatar with points. All of the panelists felt children would benefit from an open discussion about consumerism, advertising, sales tactics, etc.
One last thing...I found an excellent resource today on Sandra Dodd's website. She has an entire page with links to articles about video games and their benefits. You'll find it here.
When my son was just a few months old we were visiting the pediatrician and the doctor reached over, laid his hand on top of mine, looked me in the eyes and said, "You're doing a good job." I was so relieved. I knew he probably said that to all the new mothers, but that didn't lighten the impact of his comment at all. I still get teary when I think of it. :)
The following links are the online equivalent to that steady hand and reassuring voice, only they're related to one aspect of parenting--the video game conundrum. To regulate or not to regulate, that is the question. And the answer from many unschoolers is a resounding "No."
I can just imagine many of these seasoned unschoolers shaking their heads at me as I create compromises and schedules for Jerry's video game use. I don't imagine them doing it in a mean or condescending way. I just see a wise, friendly face smiling at me with a look that says "Why are you putting yourself through this? Relax. Love your son. Everything will be okay." To tell you the truth, just imagining that compassionate face, exuding confidence in me and my ability to (eventually) get it right makes me feel better.
So here is a compilation of posts written by people who are much wiser than me. They haven't all taken the same route or come to the same conclusion, but they have examined their choices, kept an open mind, and made decisions that honor their children's interests and their own feelings.
"Sex, Lies & Video Games" was written by Sheri at matteroffaith.com. Be sure to read the comments because both Sheri and her husband responded to a question I left in the comments section and their answers are really helpful.
This is a post called Is Your Love for Your Kids Controlling? over at Cocking a Snook. The title pretty much says it all. Be sure to check the comments of this posting (the one you're reading now--on my blog) because JJ and Nance from Cocking a Snook had some really helpful things to say.
There are more links that I'd like to include here but I think it's time for me to get off the computer. I'll come back and add them later.
I'd like to end this post with a bit of wisdom from Jerry--something he learned from watching Looney Toons this morning. "Mom, do you know why the roadrunner can run so fast?" he said. "It's because he has no limits. He just believes he can so he does."
Just so you know, I'm adding to this post as I find more information.
Added 11/14/07: Here's something I can't believe I missed before...Sandra Dodd has a whole page with links to articles about video games and their benefits. You'll find it here.
I was driving down the road on our way to a costume parade with the homeschool group, Jerry, dressed in ninja attire, was in the backseat chowing down on some white rice, and I started to tell him about our idea to go to Hawaii. "The bad thing is," I said, "we would probably have to use our money from the loan to fix up the house or else pay for the trip with a credit card. So I'm not sure if we should do it."
Guess what he said? "No. Way. Do. Not. Do it. Especially if it means using the money for fixing the house!" He even kind of yelled it--I mean, he really meant it.
That's so annoying! I thought for sure he'd back me up. But through my annoyance I felt a little surge of pride. Who knew this child, the one that can't stand to have a dollar in his pocket for more than ten seconds, would be giving me sound financial advice!?
So, we're not going. We're staying home and starting a Hawaiian Vacation Savings Plan. Oh well. It was fun to think about for a while.
That's the bad news (or good news, if you're looking at it from a finacial perspective).
The good news (or the other good news) is that Jerry and I are settling into our days as unschoolers much more readily now that I'm not so uptight about the video game and computer use. Jerry even told me today that he really likes our compromise (no video games before 4 p.m.). I think he's happier when I'm not cranky. Go figure.
Our new compromise seems to be working well. Jerry thought it was hilarious, by the way, that I had made a mistake. He got a good laugh out of it.
There were lots of people over at the unschooling basics Yahoo! group who commented on a post I left there in regards to my problem with screen time. They were all really supportive and said it's true that if you let the child take control and if you stop freaking out, eventually the child will ease off on the games.
I would like to see that happen. I really would. But I just can't do it. It makes me so grouchy when he plays video games or sits at the computer all day.
Also, I do worry about what people will think. I know this is bad, bad, bad! I know I shouldn't care. But I do. Maybe as time goes on and I'm more sure of our decision to unschool I'll have more confidence. Maybe I'll lose the need for my choice to be acceptable to the people around me. I hope so. I think I'll get there eventually, but I'm not going to force it. It's not good for me or my relationship with my son--or my husband, for that matter.
Okay, on to more immediate issues....Here's the question. Should we or shouldn't we go to Hawaii?! Financially speaking the answer is a definite "No." It might even be a "No way! Are you crazy?!!" In fact, I think it is.
Here are the reasons (okay, justifications) for going: 1.) Warren has never been there. 2.) We're studying volcanoes and wouldn't a trip to Volcanoes National Park be an awesome field trip!!!?? 3.) Warren's job is ending (he freelances in the film business) so he'll have some time off. 4.) Jerry's not in school so we're free to leave. (Yippee!!) 5.) My 39th birthday is next week. 6.) Christmas is just around the corner and it would be a fabulous Christmas gift for all of us.
The main reason for not going is also one of the reasons for going: 1.) Warren's job is ending so he'll have some time off. In other words, he'll be unemployed. No paycheck. Zip. Nada. Nothing. Okay, he'll get something from the government--but it's not much.
Hmmm. I'm stumped. Should we be financially responsible and play tourist at home? Or should we through caution and fiscal responsibility to the wind, whip out the credit card and have a real vacation?
I'm such a dummy. I've been telling you that you should be charge of determining the right amount of video game time for yourself, that you should be able to regulate that amount on your own, and then when your view of enough doesn't match up with my view of enough I get angry and snap at you for no good reason. I'm sorry. Please forgive me--I'm still learning.
I know it's not fair for me to say I'm letting you make your own choices and then get mad at you for making them. The other day, when you said that I was giving you too much responsibility and that it was too much pressure, I think you might have been feeling me pressuring you to bend to my will, rather than feeling the pressure of making that decision. You said you didn't think you could be in charge of regulating your own video game time, but I think you're wrong. I think you are quite capable of determining the right amount of time for yourself to play video games. The only problem is, I'm pretty sure what's right for you will be way too much for me.
I have to admit something. I'm prejudice against video games. I know there are things you're learning from them. I know you're being creative and solving problems and I know playing video games makes you really happy. I've been trying to tell myself it's okay for you to play a lot, but my prejudice is getting in the way. It's making me cranky.
So, here's my solution:
During the week, let's have no video games until after 4 p.m. That way we can do other things during the day. We can branch out, see the world, play some games, explore interesting subjects and hopefully end each day with a deeper understanding of our universe. Once we've done that I don't think the video games will bother me so much.
I'm sorry I had you doubting your ability to chose what's best for you. You're quite capable of making that choice. I'm just not quite capable of giving it to you yet.
