Who is Teaching Who Here?!

Last week Jerry changed servers on WoW so he could play with his friend Michelle. But she doesn't play as often as Jerry, so he's been really bummed about his decision to switch. The change cost $25 and now he's thinking about changing back to his old server (which will cost another $25). We were talking about making the change while we walked Patsy last week...


Me: But if you change back it's like throwing $50 out the window.


Jerry: No it isn't. It's spending $50 on something that I really want.


Me: Oh. You're right. I guess that's a better way to look at it.


So, that was lesson number one. For me. But school wasn't over. There was more to learn...


I was feeling especially blah that day. (I know. It's getting old, right?) Usually I keep my mouth shut when I feel this way because I tend to regret the things that come out of it. But, Jerry asked. So, I told him I was still struggling with figuring out what to do with myself now that he doesn't really need me around during the day. I told him it was kind of depressing to be alone while he's sleeping and that I'm tired of making so many plans that don't include him.

Then I said: You know what, though. I shouldn't even be talking about this right now. It's coming out like you should be changing something and that's not what I mean. It's just me. I'm having trouble adjusting.

Jerry said: No. It's OK. I tell you about my problems all the time. You should be able to tell me yours.

Me: Yeah. I guess. I just don't want you to think I'm criticizing you.

Jerry: I can handle a little criticism now and then. I mean, people I consider my friends have told me they think I'm lifeless. And I'm fine with it.

Me: It doesn't bother you that they think that?

Jerry: No because I'm doing what makes me happy. Why should it matter what they think?

Me: You're right. It shouldn't matter to you as long as you enjoy what you're doing. That's really great.

Jerry: I think a lot of people either live in the past or in the future, but I just live in the moment. I don't think too much about the other stuff--maybe I should.

Me: A lot of people work their whole lives to live more in the moment and still find it difficult! I don't think you need to change. Buddhists believe in living in the moment. Maybe you're a Buddhist and you didn't even know it!

Jerry: I'm a big fat guy with no shirt?

Me: Buddhist not Buddha.

Jerry: I know. I'm kidding.

Jerry is my hero.

Bedtime and Other Fun

I know this is supposed to be a blog about unschooling. But, since all my angst is gone I've hardly mentioned it at all in the past year. So, today I'm going to start with two unschooly (but, brief) items. First off, my blog was included in a list of the top 8 unschooling blogs! Can you believe it!? Wait a minute–don't answer that. Anyway, it was quite an honor to be included on that list, so I just wanted to share it with you. But, now I feel obliged to write something about unschooling. So here goes:
I had a realization about bedtimes the other day. Jerry has been staying awake most of the night and sleeping until 3 or 4 in the afternoon for the last month or two. I'm not happy about it, really. I miss seeing him during the day and it makes me wonder where I fit into his life if I'm asleep for much of the waking portion of it. Still, I let him make his own choices. If he's not feeling well or of he's very tired you can bet I ask him if he thinks he got enough sleep (not all the time and not in an accusing way, but sometimes I just can't stop myself because I want him to be aware of how and if his sleeping patterns are affecting him). Anyway, I was thinking about the whole bedtime thing and I realized that this is the time in Jerry's life when it's natural for him to seek out independence–to move away from his parents in some ways. And what better place to do that than in our own home? He gets the entire house to himself. He's free to make choices without taking anyone else into consideration. And yet, if something happens that he wants to talk to me about (and that's not uncommon) all he has to do is walk downstairs and wake me up. It's the perfect situation, really. He's safe, but solo. And he gets the added bonus of being able to talk to friends who live in different time zones and might not be available during the day. So, I'm not saying I'm entirely happy with the situation, but I understand it. And I understand that there are benefits. So, I let it be.

On to other topics now! We've had a really fun week. Yesterday Jerry got together with his friend Josh and we all ended up going to see some music together at the Hammer Museum.

I swiped the above photo, taken by Andrew Herrold, off the KCRW blog. The event took place in a really nice outdoor setting. Everything about it was great. The lead guitar player of Saint Motel, the headlining band, is a close family friend of Josh's so we met his family, which was really nice. The guitar player's dad had created this really cool set up that puts cameras on the microphones and some of the instruments. He also created a small hand held camera that his wife carries around through the crowd while the band plays. Then he has this thing that looks like a wooden piano keyboard that allows him to switch from one camera to another–the image is projected onto a screen behind the band. It's really cool. So we got to check out the camera system a bit. We were also able to watch the DJ do some of his stuff (which Jerry loved) because we arrived early enough to see him and the opening band, Kitten (fronted by an amazing 15-year-old singer). And, as an added bonus, Jerry scored an old Apple Airport that he can take apart in his attempt to create remote internet access for his computer while we're on long drives.

As if that wasn't enough excitement for one week, we went to Anime Expo at the Los Angeles convention Center today. We took Jerry's friend Shea and the boys had a great time marveling at all the costumes, watching anime, and shopping in the mega exhibit hall. I didn't bring my camera, but here are a few phone pics:
Jerry and Shea.

Here's a group of people dressed as characters from One Piece.

Lots of Bleach cosplayers viewed from up above.

We bought a few things for Jerry, but my favorite by far was this Pokemon t-shirt.

I just thought it was hilarious and so did Jerry. That's it for now.

Have a happy 4th!

Unschooling Is Like A Game Of Super Mario Galaxy 2

When Jerry got the first Super Mario Galaxy game and asked me to play I was excited. But the excitement died when I discovered that, as player 2, my contribution was limited to collecting stars and freezing enemies. Where was the glory? When did I get to kick some ass? Eventually, I gave up out of sheer boredom.

Last week, Jerry and I played a game of Super Mario Galaxy 2. Once again, I was player 2. But this time I could also obliterate enemies by shaking the remote. A minor change, really. But, something else was different, too–my attitude. I thought of myself as the support crew. I wasn't there to win–I was there to support Jerry. And once I accepted that I was the sidekick, I had fun–especially once it hit me that my role as player 2 in the Super Mario Galaxy games is exactly the same as my role as an unschooling parent! I'm along for the ride. I'm not leading the way, but every now and then I throw in something new. Sometimes it's helpful and Jerry wants me to keep at it and sometimes he asks me to back off. But, I'm always covering his back–freezing enemies, collecting stars, asking where he wants me, and occasionally suggesting one tactic or another. It's a team effort, getting Jerry where he wants to go, but he sets the destination and leads the way. I'm happy to follow along behind, collecting stars as I go.

Spitball Warfare

When we were at the Maker Faire I bought some awesome books. So far, our favorite is Mini-Weapons of Mass Destruction: Build Implements of Spitball Warfare by John Austin. After the cops and helicopter left the other night, Jerry and I ventured out into the front yard and he made a catapult out of clothes pins, rubber bands, a plastic spoon, binder clips, and tape.

Charlie watched from the sidelines. (So did Warren, but I didn't take a picture of him.)

Here's the finished product.

And here is the opposing army (as you can see, they have no weapons–we took them by surprise).

And, just for the heck of it, here's Jerry peering through a roll of duct tape.

The other books we bought are also really cool. They are The Way Toys Work by Ed and Woody Sobey and Stomp Rockets, Catapults, and Kaleidoscopes: 30+ Amazing Science Projects You Can Build for Less Than $1.

I forgot to mention in my post yesterday that I have a new laptop! I had been waiting for Warren to get another job before I bought a new one. My previous computer was really old (in computer years) and was almost completely out of space. Actually, it did run out of space while I was working on my group project, which was what inspired me to make a trip to the Apple Store to upgrade. We got a free printer and iPod Touch in the deal. So, Jerry was ecstatic and so was I. And now that I have space on my computer I can put photographs on my blog again! Yippee!

In other (sadder) news, our dog, Patsy, has Cushings Disease, which isn't deadly but is deadly expensive to treat. I found a natural remedy for it online, though, so we're going to try that out first. She also has a urinary tract infection, poor thing. And is now taking two different meds for arthritis. Needless to say, I'll be on the look out for discount veterinary pharmacies online–just as soon as I recover from the shock of paying for this first round of medications.

Sorry, I'm even boring myself here. I was just about to tell you about the minor surgery Jerry will be having on his big toe very soon but, lucky for you, new computers still have delete buttons. I won't bore you (or gross you out) with the details, except to say that we love his podiatrist because, not only is he a fabulous doctor and a nice guy, he's also an XBox gamer.

And now, finally, I will say something about unschooling. I know. You forgot this was as an unschooling blog, didn't you? Well, I've been reading the most wonderful, unschooler-friendly book called The Mathemetician's Lament by Paul Lockhart. You can read the first half of the book online here, but I highly suggest you buy the book so you can underline key passages and share it with family members who worry that your children will not be able to function in the world without taking a math class. The book is informative, funny, scathing, and explains the beauty of mathematics (something I've never quite understood until now). I love some of the things Lockhart writes about teaching:

"Teaching is not about information. It's about having an honest, intellectual relationship with your students. It requires no method, no tools, and no training. Just the ability to be real. And if you can't be real, then you have no right to inflict yourself upon innocent children."

"Teaching means openness and honesty, an ability to share excitement, and a love of learning. Without these, all the education degrees in the world won't help you, and with them, they are completely unnecessary."

I won't quote anymore of it here, since you can read it online. But please do read it! You won't regret it.

Well, I could go on to tell you about my tennis elbow, but I think you've had enough excitement for one post. I'll just leave you with one final quote from The Mathematician's Lament. He's writing about trigonometry as it's taught in school:

"Two weeks of content are stretched to semester length by masturbatory definitional runarounds. Truly interesting and beautiful phenomena, such as the way the sides of a triangle depend on its angles,will be given the same emphasis as irrelevant abbreviations and obsolete notational conventions, in order to prevent students from forming any clear idea as to what the subject is about."

Sad, but true.

Now I am off to study!

Upon College Graduation

Yesterday I was looking for notebook dividers in my old writing notebook when I found the following essay. It made me laugh and then cringe, and cringe again, and then laugh. Then it made me think about how much I love unschooling. Anyway, here it is in its embarrassing, unedited entirety:

Upon College Graduation, an unfinished essay
written by the girl formerly known as Colleen G.

Reality hit me smack dab aside the head just as soon as I removed my graduation cap, thus supplying a clear and easy target. True, reality had poked his thick callused fingers into the birthday cake of my existence once or twice before–but that was along the edges where intrusions sometimes go unnoticed or are, at least, easier to hide.

This time he meant business. He was going for more than just the trim surrounding those creamy white folds of frosting. He was going for the whole cake (with ice cream on the side). Yes, reality dipped his fat, grubby hands right into the center of my relatively untouched birthday cake. He dipped, grabbed, squeezed, twirled, and tossed. At times he gobbled. And then, he threw it right in my face.

So, I started my college-educated adulthood with a face full of frosting and a small lump the size of a plastic ballerina on the side of my head.

I swear I didn't mean for there to be any sexual metaphor going on there. It was just supposed to be about how graduating from college and joining the "real world" sucked. (Though I was heavily into Tom Robbins at the time, which could explain a thing or two.)

And why did reading it make me so happy to be unschooling, you ask? Because Jerry is already in the real world. By the time he is the age I was when I wrote that essay (or the beginning of what was meant to be an essay) he'll be so far ahead of me in life experience and self-knowledge that I don't think he'll ever experience those first few years after college (if he goes) as anything but joyful. For me they were the exact opposite. Anyway, I hope you got a good laugh out of that. Or at least a good cringe. :)

Carnival of Unschooled Life

The April Carnival of Unschooled Life is up over on Susan's fabulous and thought provoking blog, The Expanding Life. There's lots of good stuff over there (including a post by me--but if you're a regular reader you've probably already read it). Anyway, be sure to check it out.

Clean, Clean, Clean

I'm just taking a breather in the midst of all the cleaning we've been doing today in preperation for the house swap. Swapping houses has been great for the cleanliness of our house because there's no way we would put this much effort into cleaning just for ourselves. Or even for guests that we know. It's another matter entirely when you're having guests who don't know you!

Anyway, I wanted to tell you about our experiment. The one we did last night. It's really easy. You need an LED (you can get one at Radio Shack), shoes, carpet, and a metal object. Hold one metal leg of the LED in your fingers, walk across the rug (wearing shoes) and slide your feet as you go (picking up extra electrons along the way), and then touch the other leg of the LED to something metal (we used a doorknob) and you get a teeny flicker of light. It's really cool! Oh, and I forgot to mention the lights should be out and it should be dark. That's all there is to it! After the experiment we watched a couple YouTube videos about electricity. Jerry seemed really interested and I was so happy to be doing something fun together because he spends an awful lot of time with his friends on the XBox these days. I miss him.

My breather is over. Time to clean the bathrooms and then it's off to the movie theater for the Percy Jackson movie. Yippee! We've been waiting for this one forever!

Released

I've been released from jury service for the year. Yippee! They settled out of court, so I never even ended up on a jury. I did, however, get free entry to the Museum of Modern Art on my lunch break yesterday, which was cool. And which is why I have no pictures to show you today.

But, I would like to share what I've been eating for breakfast with you. It's so yummy. And so healthy. I've been having Irish oatmeal with 2 chopped dried plums (aka prunes) and 2 chopped dried apricots with a sprinkling of cinnamon every morning and it's delicious! This is my third or fourth week of my new healthy eating and I'm loving it. I can't say exactly what has changed, but I'm having no problem sticking to the foods that are healthy and leaving out white flour, dairy, sugar, and processed foods. It's weird. Normally I would give up after a couple days. I'm also reading a great book that is just reinforcing my decision to eat healthier. It's called The Blue Zones. In the book, the author visits three (or four?) areas of the world that scientists call "blue zones," where a high concentration of centenarians exists, and tries to figure out what lifestyle choices led those people to such longevity, then he gives ideas for how we might do the same. It's a quick easy read and I'm enjoying it a lot. Once I'm certain my eating habits have changed I'm going to move on to exercise and find ways to get moving a bit more. Then I'll add meditation and I'll be set for life. I hope.

More good news: we might have a French boy come stay with us for a few weeks this summer. It would be an "exchange" of sorts through Homelink (the house swapping service we belong to) so that he could improve his English. I'm hoping it works out, though I doubt Jerry would be interested in going to France without us. But, you never know. I can't recommend this house swapping thing highly enough. If you've ever thought about doing it, just take the plunge. You'll never regret it!

By the way, on the unschool front I've made a couple changes. Warren is very worried about the way Jerry spends his time. He particularly wants him to know some things about history and feels he should study Japanese in between his lessons, instead of only doing it for the one hour each week when he is with his teacher. So, Jerry and I have taken to spending some time most evenings after dinner going over a Japanese book I bought him a while back and doing flash cards and I'm also taking the opportunity to tell him a few things about history, or to read a short book from the library on a certain topic. So, it's not strictly unschooling because he isn't coming to me saying "Mom, I want to learn this. Can you help?" But, on the other hand, he's not complaining and we both enjoy cuddling up on the new bed/couch we recently put in his playroom and reading and talking. So I see it more a me nudging him. If he refused to sit with me I think I'd have to let it go, but so far we both enjoy the time, so I'm going to keep going. And it puts Warren's mind at ease, which is good. So it's win/win all around.

I've been thinking of trying to add some math to his life, though. And that might not go as smoothly. The reasoning behind my idea, is that whenever I read about people who study video game design, they always mention that math is important. Now Jerry says he wants to study video game design. But he hasn't yet made the connection that he'll need math. He still thinks he hates math. So, I've been thinking of trying to find a person who loves math to come over now and then and show Jerry what he or she loves so much about it. I'm not really thinking it would be a "lesson" so much as a shared passion. I'm still toying with the idea in my mind. But, I do think that knowing Jerry, and knowing how he tends to feel overwhelmed when he doesn't feel comfortable doing something (which inevitably leads to his giving up), I'm just thinking it may be a bit negligent on my part to ignore the math thing completely. On the other hand, maybe if he focused more on video game design now, he would recognize that he needs math and then he would want to learn it. Hmmm. I think that might be right. So, doing more video game design with him now will lead him to want to learn math if he sees he needs it for the game design that he's doing. Aha! I've just figured it out. OK. Forget what I said before. We're just going to focus on what Jerry loves doing now. And if he finds he needs math to do it, then we'll learn math because he sees a need for it. Yes, that's right. Phew! That was a close one.

I Gave Good Advice!

Today I got a comment from someone on and older post (way back on August 28, 2008) so I went back and read what I had written all those months ago--and it was pretty darn good! I'm going to re-post it here because, you know, it's easier to cut and paste than it is to think up something new. And besides that, my "creative organizing" (i.e., slovenly ways) have gotten the better of me and I can't find the stupid piece of paper I need in order to register for my college classes, so I'm going to have to spend the day combing through every single, stupid, bloody piece of paper in my entire house. Ugh! A messy desk may be the sign of a creative mind, but I'm thinking a dash of order might come in handy now and then.

Anyway, on to better things....

Advice for the New Unschooler

We're coming up on our first homeschooling anniversary. And three days after that will be our first unschooling anniversary. Yes, we lasted a full three days in school at home mode before both Jerry and I were in separate rooms crying and I tossed my hands in the air (onto the computer keyboard, actually) and googled "unschooling."

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I would say to myself if I could travel back in time and give my new unschooler self a few words of advice from my not-so-new unschooler self.

The very first thing I would say is that she should throw the whole one month for every year in school thing out the window. You've heard that right? "It takes one month for every year a kid spends in school to rediscover his love of learning." Here's the thing about that: first of all, as the parent that puts you in a bit of a holding pattern. You're waiting for something to happen. You're looking for "learning" all the time. You can't wait for x number of months (it was five for us) to be over so the real unschooling can begin. But here's the thing about that: It's already begun. The unschooling started the day your child walked out of the classroom for good. It's going to look different as time passes and in the beginning it'll throw you off because either you might not see the value in what they're doing or it won't look anything like learning. But relax. Someday it will.

In fact, that's something else I'd tell my new unschooler self: Drop the word "learning" from your vocabulary. It might be different for other kids but my son came out of school with very strong feelings about learning--none of them good. So even when I insisted he was learning by sitting around playing video games and watching TV all day (even though I didn't have much faith in that at the time), I was still putting emphasis on something he didn't value. Now, I know Jerry does value learning. But when he is learning about something he enjoys (using Microsoft Paint to create new Pokemon, for example--that's what he's been up to lately) he doesn't consider it learning. To Jerry, learning is being forced to remember or do something that isn't interesting to him or has no relation to his life. To me, it's gathering information and creating a deeper understanding of the world we inhabit. But since our definitions are so different why not just lose the word altogether?

So what should my new unschooler self be doing while she's not talking about learning or looking for it in her son? Follow her bliss! This is one of the things I like best about homeschooling (and unschooling in particular because it seems to allow more time for this kind of thing). Have you always wished you'd paid attention in physics class? Get yourself a book and start reading about it. And when you get excited about something share it with your child. Don't share it in an "I want you to know this" way. Share in a "look what I just discovered--isn't it awesome!" way. Excitement is contagious. And though your child may never become excited about electrons moving from one atom to another or the second law of thermodynamics, he'll see that you're excited about learning (even though you won't call it that!) and that right there is a very important lesson!

Now, on to the big bad television and video games: In the last few months I've realized what a huge mistake it was to express my distaste for video games so loudly. Children are already bombarded with images of kids who like to play video games as losers. Compare this to kids who are obsessed with sports. How do we view those kids? We support their interest. We sign them up for team sports and encourage them to improve. But with video games we're just hoping they'll lose interest. So what message are we sending? Are we saying gamers really are losers? I think we might be. So I would tell my new unschooler self, right from the very beginning, to stop separating video game/computer time from other play time. In other words, try not to think of it as something "other" or bad.

I know this is really hard. My son was in a Waldorf school before we started this journey so we had serious restrictions on video game and computer use. We didn't ban them completely but they were not an option during the school week and on weekends he was only allowed a few hours of "screen time." But since the unschooling philosophy requires a parent to take her child's interests seriously, once we started unschooling I couldn't continue to look at Jerry's interest in video games as something that was worthless. By virtue of the fact that my son was interested in spending his time in front of the screen, the screen had worth.

For months I struggled with this. I was extremely uncomfortable with the amount of time he was spending in front of the tv, at the computer, or playing video games. I'm still not comfortable with the idea of spending all day in front of a screen but I keep my mouth shut--it's been a year now and he does it less and less. He finds interest in other things, seeks out my company and asks to play board games or draw or do things that I couldn't get him interested in when we began.

So I would also ask my new unschooler self--no, wait, I would insist--that she carefully consider the message she is sending to her child when she places negative judgments on the things that are near and dear to his heart.

I think that's it for now. I'm sure I'll come up with other ideas. In fact, if anyone else wants to put a similar post up at their own blog, I'd be happy to put a link to it here. I figure the new unschoolers need all the help and encouragement they can get. It's a rough few months when you're first starting out, questioning everything you ever believed about learning and parenting and trying to wrap your head around a style of learning that looks suspiciously like doing nothing. But once you make that paradigm shift "doing nothing" suddenly becomes "living joyfully" and things start to fall into place.

-written by me, on August 28, 2008

Less than thirty minutes later: I found it! I found the paper I needed after only 20 minutes of looking. It was in Jerry's desk of all places! I never would have looked in there except that Jerry's desk is now my desk, so I started cleaning it out and there it was! I can register for my classes now. Yippee!

LIFE is Good (Again!)

I (finally) made my hotel reservations for the LIFE is Good conference!! Yippee! I can't wait! I hit a glitch with the conference registration but I'm going to try again in a few minutes and hope that it'll work the second time around. If you're an unschooler and you live less that a thousand miles from Vancouver, Washington I urge you to attend. It's such a great time. This year I'm going to help out by pairing new conference goers up with seasoned conference attendees, so that newcomers don't need to feel out of the loop. I hope people will take advantage of the service because I think it will really help the first-timers to feel more included. At least I hope it will.

In other news, we've had an absolutely fabulous week. Jerry's new friend Kaiden slept over on Tuesday (after park day), then Summer came over Wednesday morning (have I mentioned how much I love having my niece come over) and we went to circus class, walked the dog (four people to one dog ratio), stopped at the store for ice cream, had lunch (and ice cream) at home, then I took Summer to our knitting group (in which we do way more visiting than knitting), came home, made dinner, watched "The Jerk" (hilarious), and Summer spent the night. Thursday morning Jerry had Japanese, then we walked the dog, picked up his friend, Shea, and Shea, Jerry, Summer and I headed over to Culver City where Jerry and Shea played D&D with two other boys while Summer and I went for a walk on the beach (I don't understand this fabulous weather we've been having, but I love it.) before I dropped her off at her dad's work. Then I picked up Shea and Jerry and brought Nik home, too. The boys played Nik's Halo game for a couple hours, had dinner, and then Nik's mom came to get him and I drove Shea home. Today I plan on recovering from the last few busy, very social days, and preparing for hosting a dinner party tomorrow night with the director and other editors from "Aliens in the Attic" (the film Warren worked on in New Zealand--by the way, have I mentioned that you should see the movie, buy the DVD, etc? Warren had a small speaking role as "Radio Announcer" in that movie, so he gets residuals!). So there's the dinner party tomorrow and then Sunday I'm going to dance class in preparation for the Jane Austen Ball which is a week from tomorrow! I love the Jane Austen Ball!!

So many good things all at once....

Am I Doing Enough?

That's what I was asking myself yesterday. As an unschooling parent I spend a lot of time looking for things that will interest Jerry. I scan the internet. I use Google Alerts to notify me when something he's interested in shows up online. I'm always sending him links to things I think he'll enjoy reading about. But I can't always find what I'm looking for and even when I do find something (like the internship at the museum) Jerry isn't always interested. I was hoping to find someone who reads Make magazine and is into hacking and DIY electronics and that kind of thing to provide some mentoring for Jerry, but so far that hasn't panned out. I wanted to get an electronics class together, but couldn't get the 8 kids required. I found an awesome electronics space that offers classes all the time, but it's in Brooklyn. The list goes on...

One thing that has been helpful as I ponder my strategy for getting out of this slump of mine is something I discovered online called "Recordkeeping for Unschoolers." I got it a while back so I don't recall the website that posted it. But the idea is that pretty much everything is worthwhile. I've added to the list and I plan to keep adding to it. I'm going to print it and post it in my kitchen. I figure it will give me ideas when I need them and it will also remind me that we really are doing something--even when it feels like nothing.

Record-keeping for Unschoolers

Reading

Books, magazines, newspapers, websites, fiction, biography, nonfiction, poetry, drama, manga, video game guides, travel guides, essays, articles …

Doing

Cooking, swimming, dog walking, babysitting, volunteering, working, singing, acting, playing music, calculating, gardening, helping, sports ...

Creating

Arts & crafts, building, sewing, weaving, beadwork, legos, computer graphics, game design, electronics, movie making, photography …

Writing

Journaling, stories, poetry, letters, website, e-mail, articles …

Watching

TV, movies, documentaries, cartoons, YouTube, live theater, demonstrations, wildlife …

Listening

Audiobooks, podcasts, radio, music, stories, lectures ...

Talking

Speech, discussion, explaining, instructing, debating …

Visiting

Museums, zoos, field trips, people, park day…

Thinking

Planning, analyzing, imagining, plotting, wondering …

So that should help. My other plan is to become more active. I need to stop doing so much planning and searching and just take the few ideas that are more within my control and build on those. I've been thinking of doing some electronics stuff with a group of kids at our house and I guess I just need to stop thinking and do it.

And maybe I'll post on Unschooling Basics to find out what other people do when they aren't sure they're doing enough. Do more would be the obvious answer, but at a certain point I think you just have to let things be, right? I mean, I can only do so much. Jerry is going to do what he likes to do and as long as I'm watching for clues as to what those things are and offering suggestions I'm doing the right thing....right? Is that all I'm supposed to do?

I just feel like there are untapped resources out there and I'm not finding them and it's driving me crazy. But Jerry has to want to tap into those resources, too. And his reaction to the ideas I share is definitely not within my control. Sorry, I'm rambling.

So, what do you guys think? As an unschooling parent how do you know if you're doing enough?

Overwhelmed

I was talking to Warren on Saturday morning about how I've been feeling really overwhelmed lately. I just have so much hanging over my head at the moment. My grandma's estate stuff, trying to find things for Jerry to do, wondering how we'll manage to keep paying the mortgage if Warren is out of work until February (which is starting, more and more, to look like a real possibility), keeping on top of the house (admittedly this is not very important to me, but I still feel like I should be doing it), editing the newsletter for this writers group, and a bunch of other stuff. And this week, in particular, is really full. Tonight I'm going to Mom's Night Out (with some other homeschool moms), tomorrow night I'm hosting my book club here at our house, Thursday night is Jerry's birthday party (a few weeks early because one of his best friends is moving to Texas on Saturday), and we're having a 20th anniversary party (20 years since Warren spent the summer in a van following the Dead and 20 years since we met--at the end of that summer). When you're overwhelmed with responsibilities and someone asks you to take on even more responsibility, the appropriate response would be, "No thanks," right? Wrong! I've just agreed to portray a woman named Marian Osgood Hooker in a living history cemetery tour on Saturday morning before the party. I was so excited when I agreed to do it and then about thirty minutes later I thought, "Am I insane!?" Aaaaaahhhhhhhh! I just need to breathe deep and make myself a list of things that need to get done this week and start to check them off one by one.

Here's what the week looks like so far:

Monday - Mom's Night Out (so I have all day to clean house, do laundry, pay bills, work on Grandma's estate, and to sew a few things for my friend Sol, who I meet with on...)

Tuesday - 9-11 am Sol's house, 12-1 pm Jerry's Japanese lesson, 2-5 pm silk screening class (very excited about that!), 6 pm community meeting on solar power (may have to skip that), 8 pm Book Club (at which I need to have a fabulous spread for the other book lovers to enjoy--thank goodness for Trader Joe's!)

Wednesday - 1 pm - ? Park day and good-bye tea party for Jerry's friend Yulia, 8 pm rehearsal for living history tour

Thursday - 4 pm - late Jerry's birthday party

Friday - Get ready for Saturday

Saturday - 9 am-1:30 pm Living History Tour, 4 pm anniversary party at our house

Sunday -recover

Monday - Clean house in preparation for...

Tuesday - Four visitors from New Zealand!

Phew! It's a lot, but looking over the week I can see that I do have plenty of time to get it all done. And it's all good, fun, stuff. There's no drudgery on that list (except for the stuff I have to do today--which may be why I'm sitting at my computer blogging instead of getting the work done!).

I feel a little better though--not quite as overwhelmed. Okay, then. I guess I'll stop blogging and get to work. But maybe I'll make some iced tea first. That sounds good. And, oh! I forgot to mention that I harvested four cantaloupe from my garden this week (which I planted from seed!) and they were great! It was so exciting!! I know food grows from seed and all, but isn't it amazing!? I started with this one little seed and a few months later I'm eating the juiciest cantaloupe ever--and it's filled with about a million more seeds. It's like magic. Only it isn't. It's just nature and life and growth and it's so cool. And now I really am just trying to avoid the work I need to do today. I need to go. Oh, but there's one more thing. Jerry and I spent the day with my cousin and her daughter yesterday. It was such a nice day. The kids played in the pool and we got to hear all about their year spent living on a sailboat (they just returned home in August). They had a fabulous time and only thought they were going to die twice, which seems pretty good considering they were at the mercy of the ocean for a whole year.

One last thing before I go. Here's a snippet of conversation Jerry and I had when we were driving down to my cousin's:
Jerry: (Looking at the GPS) We'll be there in 40 minutes so we should get there at 1:23 exactly.
Me: No that can't be right.
Jerry: It is mom, look. (Adjusts GPS to show arrival time.) See, it says 1:23. Just because I don't do math worksheets doesn't mean I can't do math.

Unschooling=Kindness

Pam Sorooshian wrote something on the Good Vibrations Yahoo! Group that I wanted to share with you. I hope she doesn't mind.

I wanted to comment on something I said in both my talks, I think. I said that unschooling could, maybe, be boiled down to just "Be Nice!" But I got distracted and didn't elaborate on that and now I'm afraid it will come across in a way I did not intend. "Be Nice" is a thing parents often say to their kids - and they mean things like, "You have to share with your sister," or "Don't be so demanding," etc. I realized that, for some, "Be Nice," has some baggage.

I did not mean "Be Nice" like that - not in the same way children are commanded to "Be nice!" That isn't from the heart - that isn't actually "nice," but, anyway, I meant that we should think about whether we are treating our children kindly - are we being generous and caring and supportive and friendly and warm and sympathetic and considerate. So - I'd like to change what I said to, "Be Kind," instead of "Be Nice." Everybody, if you listen to the recording - please make that change, in your head, when you come to that part!

I saw a LOT of kindness at the conference - it was everywhere I looked. To me, after unschooling is talked about and talked about and talked about, it really finally does boil down to how we treat each other. It isn't kind to try to force another person to eat or sleep. It isn't kind to manipulate other people into doing what we want them to do - even for their own good. It IS kind to consider what they might like and to offer it to them. It is kind to be honest. It is kind to be helpful and it is kind to protect our children and keep them safe. It is kind to give them what Roya called, "perceived freedom," meaning that they don't feel constrained or restricted, even though we are right there, nearby, always clearing the way for them, removing obstacles, and helping them move in a positive direction.

So - guess I still can't stop talking -- even after going over an hour overtime at the conference, huh?

Anyway - I was reveling in all the kindness - all the wonderful parenting that I was surrounded by at the conference. It is so great to experience what it would be like if all parents were being kind to their children. WHAT a world this would be!

-Pam Sorooshian

I'd like to end with that wonderful vision of a world full of parents giving their children nothing but kindness--I can't, though, because I have to share my awesome technique for making hotel room quesadillas when you have no hot plate, electric griddle, or microwave.

See, Jerry eats the same thing for dinner every night (and has for the last four or five years). Black beans, white rice and a quesadilla (and broccoli if we have it and I get my act together to make it). So whenever we go to a conference I bring a rice cooker, an electric griddle, and hope for a microwave. Problem is, the griddle belongs to my mom, so it lives in Sacramento. The three conferences I've been to up until last week had all required a stop over in Sacramento where I'd drop off the dog and pick up the griddle. But this time we were out of luck until I realized that hotel rooms have irons! So I bought some heavy duty aluminum foil, sandwiched the tortillas and cheese between two pieces of aluminum and ironed away! Presto! One perfectly good quesadilla. I thought I was so clever until Molly told me that someone at an HSC conference had made grilled cheese the same way. Actually, I still think I'm pretty clever. But I guess there might be a few more clever people out there. At least one anyway...

This Fire

is really getting me down. My favorite hiking area is right at the center of the fire. It's silly but I feel like I've lost a good friend. I actually cried today when I found out.

In happier news, we've had visitors from New Zealand staying with us for the past four days and we really enjoyed their visit (even though it was too hot and smokey to do much outside). They are also homeschoolers and have also worked in the film business. It was really nice to see them again and have more time to hang out. Jerry and the two kids (Auggie and Lindsay) had a fabulous time. In fact, I feel like I hardly saw any of them!

I'm really starting to look forward to the Good Vibrations conference in San Diego next weekend. Anyone else going????

Water Balloon Slingshot: The Movie

Last week we made a water balloon slingshot and took it out to Griffith Park to give it a try. What a blast! Here's a little movie that Warren put together with the video footage and a few pictures:

And while most other school-aged kids were sitting at their school desks, about to embark on another year of learning stuff other people think they should know, we rented a motor boat and took it for a spin in the ocean. It was awesome. I'll post some pictures and video of that soon. Jerry said it was "the best day of his life so far."

Two In A Row!

What the heck is going on? You get nothing but the same old post greeting you for weeks and then suddenly there are two posts in a row. I'll tell you what's happening. A heat wave. It was 106 degrees in the sun today (99 in the shade). And it just so happens that my office (which is where my laptop is now that I've cleared the piles and piles and bags and boxes of clutter off my desk) is the coolest place in the house outside the refrigerator. That's how my desk got cleared off. On Day One of the heat wave I spent the entire day down here de-cluttering because it was just too hot to do anything else. And now we've just come back from a very long tour of Cost Plus World Market where Warren and I closely inspected every single item in the store, in order to savor the climate control just a little bit longer, while Jerry parked himself on a comfy chair and played his DS for an hour (made me think of this article about Ikea in China). Now we're home with a bottle of white wine (a state fair silver medal winner!) in the refrigerator and some time to relax before starting dinner.

My plan was to lay down in the bedroom with a book because I'd just picked up a copy of Raising Freethinkers at the library, but even the bedroom (which is usually fairly cool) was sweltering. So here I am with nothing to say and blogging anyway.

By the way, I think I'm going to switch to a new blog. I can hardly call myself the "New Unschooler" anymore now that we're starting our third year of it. I'm not sure when I'll switch (I need a new name first) but it will be coming soon.

Well, that bottle should be cool enough by now. I'm off to the kitchen for a glass of wine and then I'm going to start my book. It may be hot, but a good book and a glass of cold wine should do the trick!

LIFE Is Good 2009 Review

This is my third attempt to write about the LIFE is Good Unschooling Conference. Let's hope it's charmed. In a few words: IT WAS GREAT!!!

In a few more...

The adventure began on Tuesday, May 19, when Jerry and I packed up the car (dog included) and started our first leg of the journey--the trip to my mom and dad's house in Sacramento. We were briefly delayed when I realized, in the Costco parking lot, that my debit card was not in my wallet. So we went back to the house where I searched and searched, and scarfed down a burrito from my new favorite taco stand (it was my fourth in a week--they're that good!). After about 15 minutes of solid investigation (OK investigation and chewing--I'm a multi-tasker) I thought to look in the change purse of my wallet and, naturally, there it was. So we went back to Costco where we purchased one of those gadgets that let us listen to an iPod (my Mother's Day gift) on the radio and we were off.

The drive flew by (thanks to The Golden Compass audio book--our second listen) and before I knew it we were at my mom's where my three-year old niece, Cora, jumped into my arms and gave me one of the best hugs of my life. Six-year-old Carson and Jerry were soon in the swimming pool and I passed the evening visiting with my sister and parents.

The following morning Jerry and I were on the road by 10 a.m. We started the journey off with a compilation CD Warren made for our Life is Good trip. The we moved on to more of The Golden Compass. We were thinking we'd stay at a motel a few hours south of Portland but when Jerry heard that Simon & Linnea were going to be at the hotel that very same night he was determined that we should make the drive all in one day. We made a stop in Ashland for lunch. Every person we met in that town went out of their way to be friendly--genuinely friendly, too. We met a guy with a gigantic wolf/dog named North (or Beast, depending on his mood), ate lunch on a lovely outdoor patio, and discovered a comic book store where they sell older manga for 50% off.

I realized when we were having lunch that my fellow unschooler and blogging friend, Becky, lives in Ashland so I sent her a quick message hoping she and her kids would be free, but we ended up leaving town before I heard back from her.

We left Ashland around 5:30 and pulled into the parking lot of the hotel around 10 p.m. Simon and his mom, Schuyler, happened to be in the hotel lobby when we dragged ourselves in from the car. And thankfully the hotel had a room available (even though our reservation was for the following night) so the weekend was off to en excellent start!

Since this was my second year at the conference, the experience was completely different from last year. It was different for Jerry, too. Last year we spent much of the time in our room. And as much as I enjoyed the workshops and being among people who shared many of my lifestyle choices and philosophies, I felt really isolated. Thankfully, Jerry made a few friends who we kept in touch with throughout the year, so we started this year's conference with a few friends in our pockets, so to speak. It made a huge difference.

Jerry had friends in and out of the room all weekend. I knew at least five people right from the start and I made an effort to introduce myself to many more. I went on most of the early morning walks and spent time sitting by the pool (even if Jerry wasn't swimming) just because both of those activities provided opportunities to meet people. Jerry ended up with a nasty flu bug (he wasn't the only one) and he wasn't really happy with the funshops, so he felt that last year's conference was better. But for me, seeing him with all those friends and feeling comfortable talking to my own friends (old and new) made this year way better for me.

Another thing I loved about this year was that just about every workshop I attended was led by an experienced unschooler who was very open about the doubts they've had, the worries they have (Yes, they still worry sometimes! Phew!) and the way the handle them. That was huge for me. It's such a relief to know that even the people I look to for guidance experience the same feelings of worry and frustration that I sometimes feel. What did I learn? Worries and doubts are part of parenting--all kinds of parenting. Unschoolers are not immune to them. So just because I fret and fear and, from time to time, let my mouth reveal thoughts that are better kept to myself, I'm still an unschooler. And even when I'm no longer "new" (and, really, after nearly two years--626 days to be exact--I'm not sure if the word still applies) I won't be a fraud just because I still freak out every now and then. Now that, my friends, is a huge relief.

Another wonderful, and entirely unexpected event occurred over the weekend. Diana entrusted me with some of Hannah's ashes. We're going to take her with us to France and place her someplace lovely. Diana said we'll know the place when we come to it. She said Hannah will lead us. I can't really explain the feeling of caring for the physical representation of the memory of a child's life. I feel as if I really am taking Hannah along and I feel especially honored to be entrusted with the task.

And I'm afraid I'll have to end here and write more later. I've been coming back to this post all day in between playing with my niece and nephew, going to the grocery store, reading Gods of Manhattan with Jerry, pruning my mom's rose bushes, taking the boys to a really cool trampoline place, and other things. I guess I'll have to write a LIFE is Good, Part II.

Unschooling Article

Here's a link to a really nice article on unschooled teens:

Teenage Bohemia: Being self-taught in New York City

And the article mentions Idzies blog, I'm Unschooled. Yes, I Can Write. Woo hoo! Congrats Idzie! :)

Foggy With Patches Of Sun

I'm ever so slowly coming out of the fog. It's a bit too slow for my taste but apparently grief has its own time-line. Since my grandma died I've been sleeping like a rock, which is highly unusual for me, but last night I actually laid awake for a good couple hours worrying about stuff, which might seem like a bad thing (and it really sucks when it's happening--especially if there's a very loud helicopter hovering right outside your bedroom window at the same time) but it's a very normal thing for me to do. In fact, sleeping all the way through the night is downright bizarre for me. So as I was laying there fretting, I couldn't decide if it was a good thing or a bad thing. I'll admit, it felt bad. But still, it's what I do, so in some weird way it was good.

What was I fretting about? TV. Jerry's watching too much. Would I say the same thing if he were reading instead of watching TV? Yes. I would. And I don't like the way he talks about himself. He says he does nothing but watch TV all day. Calls himself a "couch potato" and makes other disparaging remarks. It really bothers me. And, honestly, I think it bothers him. He's really self-conscious about his body now that he's put on some weight. I've actually thought about asking the doctor about it because he went up about four sizes in three months, but I know the doctor will ask about his level of activity and the truth is he's just not very active. So, I know it's not very unschooly of me, but I'm really considering an experimental ban on TV during "school" hours--from about 10 to 3--to see if that changes things. I'm just thinking about it for now. I haven't said anything yet. I find it's best to think about this kind of stuff before acting on it because it almost always works itself out. But the TV thing has been going on for a while. So, I don't know. I know I need to do what's best for Jerry and not get hung up on unschooling the "right" way. And he is a kid that needs a nudge now and then. He even seems to appreciate a nudge. So, we'll see.

In the meantime here are some pictures of Charlie in his favorite pot. We've been keeping it on the floor of Jerry's play room so he can snuggle up in it without wreaking havoc in our cupboards.But then we had to get a picture of him on the stove so we moved him. Kitty stew. Yum.By the way, this is exactly the kind of picture I love to look at on other people's blogs. I love all the background stuff--it gives you a look into how we live (sadly, this picture is a fairly accurate representation). Warren always accuses me of being a Peeping Tom because I like to look into people's windows when we go for walks. It's not like I'm tip-toeing into their yards peering over the window sill, though. I don't even stop to gawk. If the curtains are open I just look in and take stock as I walk by. How is decorated? Where's the couch? What are the window coverings like? Are there toys? Is it neat? What kind of people are they? And these are the same questions I love to answer when I look at photos on people's blogs. So ask away, Sherlock. Peer into the background and deduce what you will.

Waldorf School Revisited

We went to the Elves' Faire at Jerry's old school yesterday. Yep, he went to a Waldorf school for five years before we went to "school-at-home" for a whopping three days and then, out of sheer desperation, to unschooling. I don't regret our decision a bit but can I just say that I love his old school? I don't love the playground politics or the getting there bright and early and picking him up after seven hours only to struggle with homework until well into the evening.

But, I love that campus. And I love the people. And I love the peaceful feeling I get from being there--especially now that I can go to enjoy myself and visit old friends instead of working like a dog! In the past I've been in charge of costumed characters, usually taking a turn as one of the characters (the fortune fairy) myself. This was the first time I've ever gone to the Elves' Faire strictly for enjoyment. It was great!

I swiped that picture from my friend Jim's Flickr page (without asking...). Thanks Jim!

At park day last week one of my homeschool friends was saying she tends to think of parents at the Waldorf school as of a bunch of rich people dressed in funky (but super expensive) clothes. She knows that's not the case, she said, but that's the impression the Waldorf school gives. It's not my experience of the school at all, though. Sure there were some people I'd consider rich and there were a handful that shop in places where I can't even afford to breathe the air. But for the most part they are families who really believe in the Waldorf philosophy. Still, her comment made me think about the way people view homeschoolers.

When Jerry and I were at the hostel in Marin a couple weeks ago we were talking to one of the women that was staying there and she asked about Jerry's school. As soon as we told her we homeschooled I could see the wheels turning in her mind. She was making all kinds of assumptions about us: "social misfit....over-protective mother...ultra-religious...weird." I'm always amazed at how it's possible to actually see these thoughts flow through someone's mind. It's like they're flipping through a rolodex of qualities (none of them good) we surely possess.

Anyway, back to revisiting the Waldorf school. Some of you may be wondering how we went from Waldorf to unschooling since they're on completely different ends of the control spectrum. Waldorf keeps the kids in a very controlled environment. It's an environment of peace, serenity, beauty, music, watercolors, hand-crafted toys, and stories by candle light. I love that environment. But it turns out Jerry wasn't so keen on it. While we were trying to give him the best of the "old world" childhood (minus the infectious diseases and poor hygiene) he was dying to break out into the 21st century childhood of Nintendo and Club Penguin. Granted, we never went full on Waldorf. He was allowed screen time on weekends but our opinions ruled. And our opinion was that screen time was wasted time, or worse, it was detrimental time.

You can throw a stone and hit a study that says television and video games are ruining our children. But there are a fair amount of studies (you may have to look a little harder) that show us there's nothing wrong with video games or television and, in fact, the screen time we were so wary of offers opportunities for developing qualities and skills that are very much in demand in today's world. Personally, I'm not sure any of these studies has much relevance in our lives. It's possible to find a study on just about anything that will back up your own personal feelings so I think we have to take them with a grain (or ten) of salt. Still, it makes me feel better to know that some people think video games can help rather than hinder a child's development.

In the end, though, none of that really matters because when we opted to unschool we chose to take Jerry's interests seriously. And he's seriously interested in video game and computers and television. So we did a complete 180 and (after a few failed attempts at partial control) decided to give Jerry the freedom to choose how he spends his time.

We're obviously still working on being more accepting of his choices. When I start to worry (like I was the other day) I find the best solution is to keep my mouth shut, post something about my concerns here (devour the comments), read some posts at the Unschooling Basics Yahoo! group, and talk to other unschoolers about the issue. I'm usually feeling better about things in a day or two. If I'm not feeling better, at the very least, I have a plan of action--and a plan always makes me feel better.

My current plan is this:

1. Plan more Jerry approved outings during the week. Even just going to the library gets him off the couch and out into the world so the outings don't need to be big.
   
2. Spend more time hanging out with Jerry during the day. If he's watching television I'll watch with him. If he's playing video games I'll sit beside him and read out loud. I think I just need to devote more time to him. If I'm right next to him he'll be more likely to suggest that we do something together.
   
3. Find out how I can expand on his video game/computer/television interests. I've posted a request for ideas on Unschooling Basics and I have a few ideas of my own. I think my support of these interests needs to be more active.

So that's the plan. As much as I need to respect Jerry's interests, I also need to help him make choices that will enhance his life. Hopefully more choices and more time together will mean more time spent off the couch. And more time off the couch will make Warren stop saying he thinks Jerry would be better off in school. And it'll give Jerry more energy. And it'll keep me from waking up at 3 in the morning to read Sandra Dodd and Joyce Fetterol and the unschooling e-groups. And then I'll have more energy. And then my house will be clean all the time and I'll become super organized and I might even start a daily exercise regimen and I'll lose weight and--Oh my God this is going to be GREAT!