Unschooling Is Like A Game Of Super Mario Galaxy 2

When Jerry got the first Super Mario Galaxy game and asked me to play I was excited. But the excitement died when I discovered that, as player 2, my contribution was limited to collecting stars and freezing enemies. Where was the glory? When did I get to kick some ass? Eventually, I gave up out of sheer boredom.

Last week, Jerry and I played a game of Super Mario Galaxy 2. Once again, I was player 2. But this time I could also obliterate enemies by shaking the remote. A minor change, really. But, something else was different, too–my attitude. I thought of myself as the support crew. I wasn't there to win–I was there to support Jerry. And once I accepted that I was the sidekick, I had fun–especially once it hit me that my role as player 2 in the Super Mario Galaxy games is exactly the same as my role as an unschooling parent! I'm along for the ride. I'm not leading the way, but every now and then I throw in something new. Sometimes it's helpful and Jerry wants me to keep at it and sometimes he asks me to back off. But, I'm always covering his back–freezing enemies, collecting stars, asking where he wants me, and occasionally suggesting one tactic or another. It's a team effort, getting Jerry where he wants to go, but he sets the destination and leads the way. I'm happy to follow along behind, collecting stars as I go.

I Gave Good Advice!

Today I got a comment from someone on and older post (way back on August 28, 2008) so I went back and read what I had written all those months ago--and it was pretty darn good! I'm going to re-post it here because, you know, it's easier to cut and paste than it is to think up something new. And besides that, my "creative organizing" (i.e., slovenly ways) have gotten the better of me and I can't find the stupid piece of paper I need in order to register for my college classes, so I'm going to have to spend the day combing through every single, stupid, bloody piece of paper in my entire house. Ugh! A messy desk may be the sign of a creative mind, but I'm thinking a dash of order might come in handy now and then.

Anyway, on to better things....

Advice for the New Unschooler

We're coming up on our first homeschooling anniversary. And three days after that will be our first unschooling anniversary. Yes, we lasted a full three days in school at home mode before both Jerry and I were in separate rooms crying and I tossed my hands in the air (onto the computer keyboard, actually) and googled "unschooling."

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I would say to myself if I could travel back in time and give my new unschooler self a few words of advice from my not-so-new unschooler self.

The very first thing I would say is that she should throw the whole one month for every year in school thing out the window. You've heard that right? "It takes one month for every year a kid spends in school to rediscover his love of learning." Here's the thing about that: first of all, as the parent that puts you in a bit of a holding pattern. You're waiting for something to happen. You're looking for "learning" all the time. You can't wait for x number of months (it was five for us) to be over so the real unschooling can begin. But here's the thing about that: It's already begun. The unschooling started the day your child walked out of the classroom for good. It's going to look different as time passes and in the beginning it'll throw you off because either you might not see the value in what they're doing or it won't look anything like learning. But relax. Someday it will.

In fact, that's something else I'd tell my new unschooler self: Drop the word "learning" from your vocabulary. It might be different for other kids but my son came out of school with very strong feelings about learning--none of them good. So even when I insisted he was learning by sitting around playing video games and watching TV all day (even though I didn't have much faith in that at the time), I was still putting emphasis on something he didn't value. Now, I know Jerry does value learning. But when he is learning about something he enjoys (using Microsoft Paint to create new Pokemon, for example--that's what he's been up to lately) he doesn't consider it learning. To Jerry, learning is being forced to remember or do something that isn't interesting to him or has no relation to his life. To me, it's gathering information and creating a deeper understanding of the world we inhabit. But since our definitions are so different why not just lose the word altogether?

So what should my new unschooler self be doing while she's not talking about learning or looking for it in her son? Follow her bliss! This is one of the things I like best about homeschooling (and unschooling in particular because it seems to allow more time for this kind of thing). Have you always wished you'd paid attention in physics class? Get yourself a book and start reading about it. And when you get excited about something share it with your child. Don't share it in an "I want you to know this" way. Share in a "look what I just discovered--isn't it awesome!" way. Excitement is contagious. And though your child may never become excited about electrons moving from one atom to another or the second law of thermodynamics, he'll see that you're excited about learning (even though you won't call it that!) and that right there is a very important lesson!

Now, on to the big bad television and video games: In the last few months I've realized what a huge mistake it was to express my distaste for video games so loudly. Children are already bombarded with images of kids who like to play video games as losers. Compare this to kids who are obsessed with sports. How do we view those kids? We support their interest. We sign them up for team sports and encourage them to improve. But with video games we're just hoping they'll lose interest. So what message are we sending? Are we saying gamers really are losers? I think we might be. So I would tell my new unschooler self, right from the very beginning, to stop separating video game/computer time from other play time. In other words, try not to think of it as something "other" or bad.

I know this is really hard. My son was in a Waldorf school before we started this journey so we had serious restrictions on video game and computer use. We didn't ban them completely but they were not an option during the school week and on weekends he was only allowed a few hours of "screen time." But since the unschooling philosophy requires a parent to take her child's interests seriously, once we started unschooling I couldn't continue to look at Jerry's interest in video games as something that was worthless. By virtue of the fact that my son was interested in spending his time in front of the screen, the screen had worth.

For months I struggled with this. I was extremely uncomfortable with the amount of time he was spending in front of the tv, at the computer, or playing video games. I'm still not comfortable with the idea of spending all day in front of a screen but I keep my mouth shut--it's been a year now and he does it less and less. He finds interest in other things, seeks out my company and asks to play board games or draw or do things that I couldn't get him interested in when we began.

So I would also ask my new unschooler self--no, wait, I would insist--that she carefully consider the message she is sending to her child when she places negative judgments on the things that are near and dear to his heart.

I think that's it for now. I'm sure I'll come up with other ideas. In fact, if anyone else wants to put a similar post up at their own blog, I'd be happy to put a link to it here. I figure the new unschoolers need all the help and encouragement they can get. It's a rough few months when you're first starting out, questioning everything you ever believed about learning and parenting and trying to wrap your head around a style of learning that looks suspiciously like doing nothing. But once you make that paradigm shift "doing nothing" suddenly becomes "living joyfully" and things start to fall into place.

-written by me, on August 28, 2008

Less than thirty minutes later: I found it! I found the paper I needed after only 20 minutes of looking. It was in Jerry's desk of all places! I never would have looked in there except that Jerry's desk is now my desk, so I started cleaning it out and there it was! I can register for my classes now. Yippee!

Am I Doing Enough?

That's what I was asking myself yesterday. As an unschooling parent I spend a lot of time looking for things that will interest Jerry. I scan the internet. I use Google Alerts to notify me when something he's interested in shows up online. I'm always sending him links to things I think he'll enjoy reading about. But I can't always find what I'm looking for and even when I do find something (like the internship at the museum) Jerry isn't always interested. I was hoping to find someone who reads Make magazine and is into hacking and DIY electronics and that kind of thing to provide some mentoring for Jerry, but so far that hasn't panned out. I wanted to get an electronics class together, but couldn't get the 8 kids required. I found an awesome electronics space that offers classes all the time, but it's in Brooklyn. The list goes on...

One thing that has been helpful as I ponder my strategy for getting out of this slump of mine is something I discovered online called "Recordkeeping for Unschoolers." I got it a while back so I don't recall the website that posted it. But the idea is that pretty much everything is worthwhile. I've added to the list and I plan to keep adding to it. I'm going to print it and post it in my kitchen. I figure it will give me ideas when I need them and it will also remind me that we really are doing something--even when it feels like nothing.

Record-keeping for Unschoolers

Reading

Books, magazines, newspapers, websites, fiction, biography, nonfiction, poetry, drama, manga, video game guides, travel guides, essays, articles …

Doing

Cooking, swimming, dog walking, babysitting, volunteering, working, singing, acting, playing music, calculating, gardening, helping, sports ...

Creating

Arts & crafts, building, sewing, weaving, beadwork, legos, computer graphics, game design, electronics, movie making, photography …

Writing

Journaling, stories, poetry, letters, website, e-mail, articles …

Watching

TV, movies, documentaries, cartoons, YouTube, live theater, demonstrations, wildlife …

Listening

Audiobooks, podcasts, radio, music, stories, lectures ...

Talking

Speech, discussion, explaining, instructing, debating …

Visiting

Museums, zoos, field trips, people, park day…

Thinking

Planning, analyzing, imagining, plotting, wondering …

So that should help. My other plan is to become more active. I need to stop doing so much planning and searching and just take the few ideas that are more within my control and build on those. I've been thinking of doing some electronics stuff with a group of kids at our house and I guess I just need to stop thinking and do it.

And maybe I'll post on Unschooling Basics to find out what other people do when they aren't sure they're doing enough. Do more would be the obvious answer, but at a certain point I think you just have to let things be, right? I mean, I can only do so much. Jerry is going to do what he likes to do and as long as I'm watching for clues as to what those things are and offering suggestions I'm doing the right thing....right? Is that all I'm supposed to do?

I just feel like there are untapped resources out there and I'm not finding them and it's driving me crazy. But Jerry has to want to tap into those resources, too. And his reaction to the ideas I share is definitely not within my control. Sorry, I'm rambling.

So, what do you guys think? As an unschooling parent how do you know if you're doing enough?

Unschooling=Kindness

Pam Sorooshian wrote something on the Good Vibrations Yahoo! Group that I wanted to share with you. I hope she doesn't mind.

I wanted to comment on something I said in both my talks, I think. I said that unschooling could, maybe, be boiled down to just "Be Nice!" But I got distracted and didn't elaborate on that and now I'm afraid it will come across in a way I did not intend. "Be Nice" is a thing parents often say to their kids - and they mean things like, "You have to share with your sister," or "Don't be so demanding," etc. I realized that, for some, "Be Nice," has some baggage.

I did not mean "Be Nice" like that - not in the same way children are commanded to "Be nice!" That isn't from the heart - that isn't actually "nice," but, anyway, I meant that we should think about whether we are treating our children kindly - are we being generous and caring and supportive and friendly and warm and sympathetic and considerate. So - I'd like to change what I said to, "Be Kind," instead of "Be Nice." Everybody, if you listen to the recording - please make that change, in your head, when you come to that part!

I saw a LOT of kindness at the conference - it was everywhere I looked. To me, after unschooling is talked about and talked about and talked about, it really finally does boil down to how we treat each other. It isn't kind to try to force another person to eat or sleep. It isn't kind to manipulate other people into doing what we want them to do - even for their own good. It IS kind to consider what they might like and to offer it to them. It is kind to be honest. It is kind to be helpful and it is kind to protect our children and keep them safe. It is kind to give them what Roya called, "perceived freedom," meaning that they don't feel constrained or restricted, even though we are right there, nearby, always clearing the way for them, removing obstacles, and helping them move in a positive direction.

So - guess I still can't stop talking -- even after going over an hour overtime at the conference, huh?

Anyway - I was reveling in all the kindness - all the wonderful parenting that I was surrounded by at the conference. It is so great to experience what it would be like if all parents were being kind to their children. WHAT a world this would be!

-Pam Sorooshian

I'd like to end with that wonderful vision of a world full of parents giving their children nothing but kindness--I can't, though, because I have to share my awesome technique for making hotel room quesadillas when you have no hot plate, electric griddle, or microwave.

See, Jerry eats the same thing for dinner every night (and has for the last four or five years). Black beans, white rice and a quesadilla (and broccoli if we have it and I get my act together to make it). So whenever we go to a conference I bring a rice cooker, an electric griddle, and hope for a microwave. Problem is, the griddle belongs to my mom, so it lives in Sacramento. The three conferences I've been to up until last week had all required a stop over in Sacramento where I'd drop off the dog and pick up the griddle. But this time we were out of luck until I realized that hotel rooms have irons! So I bought some heavy duty aluminum foil, sandwiched the tortillas and cheese between two pieces of aluminum and ironed away! Presto! One perfectly good quesadilla. I thought I was so clever until Molly told me that someone at an HSC conference had made grilled cheese the same way. Actually, I still think I'm pretty clever. But I guess there might be a few more clever people out there. At least one anyway...

Unschooling Assignment: Year Two

I've been thinking about why I haven't been blogging much lately and aside from the funk (which ended a while ago) I think the only explanation is that I tend to blog more when I'm fretting or questioning and now that I'm feeling more secure with our choice to unschool I'm not fretting or questioning as much. Lately all my fretting has been focused on the upcoming election so really, the only thing I've wanted to post has been "Please vote for Obama. Please. Please. Please." But since this isn't a political blog I haven't done it. Oh what the heck. "Please vote for Obama. Please. Please. Please." There. Glad I got that out of my system.

Now I can talk about unschooling. This is what I've realized: I completely agree with the philosophy but I still find myself dreding the question, "How is school going?" I had lunch with a good friend today and naturally she asked "the question" so I told her about unschooling and how I'm feeling about it. I talked about how strange it is to go through such a major paradigm shift and how I still wonder about how to make unschooling our own and whether or not certain habits can (or should) be taught. So that's what I think this coming year will be about. Now that I understand what unschooling means to the community-at-large my assignment will be to figure out what unschooling means to me and my family.
I've noticed lately that when I answer "the question" my first impulse is to say we're not really doing anything. That's really what it feels like. But then as the conversation continues I find myself saying "Oh, we just listened to Isabel Allende's Zorro on CD and we loved it. There was so much history in that story!" Or I mention the laser tag, book club or masquerade party we went to with our homeschool group. Or the "Rockets and Rollercoasters" class we took at the Science Center. Or the Pokemon sprites Jerry creates on the computer. Or our visit to the research lab at Cal Tech where Xiquan works. Or hearing Christopher Paolini speak. Or how cool Jerry's Japanese tutor is and how he's also a rap musician who makes music on his computer and is showing Jerry how to do the same thing. Or how we've been talking about the elections and the electoral college and whether or not the voting system seems fair. Or whether or not anyone has the right to tell two people who are in love they can't legally marry. Or that we're hoping to visit one of the homeschool dads at Activision (where he works) for a behind the scenes tour of the place where Guitar Hero was born. Or about the cool physics book we just bought. Or the secret drawer lock Thomas Edison invented that we're going to make. Anyway, you get the idea. There's no drudgery involved so I guess it seems like we can't be doing anying worthwhile. But look at all that stuff we're doing! And it's really cool and (dare I say?) educational stuff.

There you have it. That's what's been going on in my mind these days. That and "Please let Obama win. Please let Obama win. Please let Obama win."

Feeling Weepy

I've been a little down lately. I've been trying to pinpoint the cause for weeks without success. Yesterday I was feeling especially blah but I chalked that up to finishing the last Harry Potter audio book. It's the second time around (I'd already read them) so you'd think I might be immune to the feeling of loss that accompanies the end of a great series of books. Alas, I still mourned for all the characters I'd be leaving within the pages--I mean the CD. But after we finished the last disc Jerry wanted to run over to the mall for some pre-birthday window shopping at the Lego Store, so I didn't have too much time to feel sad.

As we were driving to the mall I looked over at Jerry in the passenger seat and noticed what looked like a bird's nest in his hair. "Oh my God," I said, "You've got to fix your hair before we go into the mall." Jerry eyed me suspiciously and said "Why do you care so much how I look? Are you worried about your rep?"

I had to laugh because yes, that's pretty much what I'm worried about and I said so. But I also said I was worried about his "rep" too. "Mom," he said, "it's not like I'm going to the mall to make friends. It's highly unlikely someone is going to walk up to me and said 'Hi. Wanna be my friend' at the mall."

So then I was trying to explain (these kind of explanations never go well for me) how even though it's good not to care what people think they are still making assumptions about you and things are just easier if the initial assumptions they make are positive. "It just saves a lot of work in the end," I said.

Then Jerry said "I don't get it. Wait, you don't have to explain it again. It's okay. I don't really care." And he turned up the music.

Ha! Then, as I was marveling at his level of understanding and at how much he has to teach me, he said, "Mom, you know when I get all sad about not having friends and I get all 'Oh I need more friends' and stuff? It's just because I'm tired. I only feel that way when I'm tired or I haven't eaten or something. It doesn't really have anything to do with having friends or not having friends."

I almost started crying. (I did say I've been weepy lately.) How did he get so mature? How did he know that was just the thing I needed to hear and that I needed to hear it from him? Where does this amazing insight come from?

So I was feeling all better and amazed and we spent some time in the Lego Store then came home because Jackson was on his way over for a play date. Back at home the blahs came back, so I watched the first Harry Potter movie (we're going to watch the movies again now) and that made me feel a little better. And then Warren got home with groceries and made dinner for me and that made me feel even better.

I'm wondering if part of what's got me feeling low is that I'm finally settling into our unschooling lifestyle. The honeymoon phase is over and though I'm still gaga over the whole idea of unschooling it's not new anymore. So now I have to figure out how it works with our regular life. This whole past year has been a whirwind, especially since we spent a quarter of it in New Zealand. All the excitement is over now. We don't have any trips planned--I've put a ban on travel this year thanks to the ever expanding cost of building our deck.

Mainly I think I need to set some goals for myself and start working toward them. During our year of deschooling I purposely stayed away from setting any big goals so we'd have the freedom to make split second decisions and to find a natural rhythm for ourselves. But I think this is starting to feel a bit like aimless wandering to me.

Little by little I've started making a dent in the chaos that is my office so I should be able to work in there again soon. That's where I'm going to start. I've got to set some of my own goals and start working toward them. Hopefully that will make me feel better.

I Should Have Known

I should've seen it coming. Remember when I wrote "Now that Jerry spends less time with his screen stuff (by his own choice!) I don't have nearly as much of my own screen time."? I forgot to knock on wood. And you know how I said "I'm still trying to figure out how to get a bit more physical activity into Jerry's life but I can honestly say that's the only aspect of our home schooling that I'm worried about right now."? I have another one now. And you know back when I talked about my marriage and how Warren and I had gone through some tough times but how we were lucky squared and cubed because we'd made it through the toughest part? What was I thinking? And where is my duplex!?

Okay, I admit I'm not actually looking for a duplex. It's not that bad, really. But these last few weeks have been haaaarrrrd. (Can you hear the whine?) We haven't been as nice to each other as we could be. Actually, I was getting a little worried. But our 17th wedding anniversary was last weekend and we had to go out to dinner together, which made it impossible to avoid talking about how we haven't been our best selves lately. So we had a good talk and managed to find the culprit. It's that stupid deck! You know how they say remodeling your house puts a lot of stress on a marriage? I figured it was indoor remodeling that made for stress because, you know, you can't use your kitchen, or you don't have an indoor bathroom, or something. But now I know. Now I know it's not about the cooking or the plumbing. It's about the money, and the workers never showing up when they say they will, and the money, and the architect wanting to do his own thing, and the money, and the city of Los Angeles and its God forsaken permit office, and the money, and the money, and the money. Oh, and did I mention the money?

Last night I tallied up how much we've spent on this project thus far and I thought I was going to be sick. It's a deck for crying out loud! We're not building another house! But it turns out that being on a hillside and living in a house that's nearly a century old can create problems. And, naturally, problems must be solved by forking over lots of cash.

I'm sorry. I shouldn't be going on about this, but it's on my mind. The deck will be lovely when it's finished. I know it will. We'll have a BYOC (bring your own chair) deck-warming party and drink lots of wine and forget all about how horrible the building process was. We'll get good and drunk. Yep. That's what we'll do. We'll drown our sorrows in alcohol and hope some of friends are too drunk to carry their chairs home so we'll have something to sit on when we stumble out onto the deck for coffee the next morning.

Well, now that I've exhausted my typing fingers (yes, I hunt and peck) I have almost no energy for explaining how my proclamations about how unschooling has been going so great have come back to bite me on the ass. I'll give a quick summary, though.

The first one is not a concern so much as a "wouldn't you know it?" Wouldn't you know that the moment I write about how Jerry spends far less time in front of screens he immediately goes back to being glued to one screen or another all day long. Seriously. All day. Okay, most of the day.

And then, I said I was only worried about his level of physical activity, right? That was it. Nothing else. I was perfectly happy with everything else. Well, all of a sudden I'm worrying about his friends--or lack of them--again. Jerry never wants to join in. He doesn't like to go to park day. He doesn't really talk to the other kids all that often, even though he considers some of them his friends. I have actually paid him to leave the blanket at park day and socialize. I know. I'm pathetic. It's been established. So maybe he just likes to be alone, right? But then he cries because he has no friends. But he hasn't been trying very hard to make friends. What can I do!?

I know I could talk myself down from this place of unreason if I had more energy, but I don't. Will someone please snap me (or slap me) out of this?

Advice For The New Unschooler

We're coming up on our first homeschooling anniversary. And three days after that will be our first unschooling anniversary. Yes, we lasted a full three days in school at home mode before both Jerry and I were in separate rooms crying and I tossed my hands in the air (onto the computer keyboard, actually) and googled "unschooling."

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I would say to myself if I could travel back in time and give my new unschooler self a few words of advice from my not-so-new unschooler self.

The very first thing I would say is that she should throw the whole one month for every year in school thing out the window. You've heard that right? "It takes one month for every year a kid spends in school to rediscover his love of learning." Here's the thing about that: first of all, as the parent that puts you in a bit of a holding pattern. You're waiting for something to happen. You're looking for "learning" all the time. You can't wait for x number of months (it was five for us) to be over so the real unschooling can begin. But here's the thing about that: It's already begun. The unschooling started the day your child walked out of the classroom for good. It's going to look different as time passes and in the beginning it'll throw you off because either you might not see the value in what they're doing or it won't look anything like learning. But relax. Someday it will.

In fact, that's something else I'd tell my new unschooler self: Drop the word "learning" from your vocabulary. It might be different for other kids but my son came out of school with very strong feelings about learning--none of them good. So even when I insisted he was learning by sitting around playing video games and watching TV all day (even though I didn't have much faith in that at the time), I was still putting emphasis on something he didn't value. Now, I know Jerry does value learning. But when he is learning about something he enjoys (using Microsoft Paint to create new Pokemon, for example--that's what he's been up to lately) he doesn't consider it learning. To Jerry, learning is being forced to remember or do something that isn't interesting to him or has no relation to his life. To me, it's gathering information and creating a deeper understanding of the world we inhabit. But since our definitions are so different why not just lose the word altogether?

So what should my new unschooler self be doing while she's not talking about learning or looking for it in her son? Follow her bliss! This is one of the things I like best about homeschooling (and unschooling in particular because it seems to allow more time for this kind of thing). Have you always wished you'd paid attention in physics class? Get yourself a book and start reading about it. And when you get excited about something share it with your child. Don't share it in an "I want you to know this" way. Share in a "look what I just discovered--isn't it awesome!" way. Excitement is contagious. And though your child may never become excited about electrons moving from one atom to another or the second law of thermodynamics, he'll see that you're excited about learning (even though you won't call it that!) and that right there is a very important lesson!

Now, on to the big bad television and video games: In the last few months I've realized what a huge mistake it was to express my distaste for video games so loudly. Children are already bombarded with images of kids who like to play video games as losers. Compare this to kids who are obsessed with sports. How do we view those kids? We support their interest. We sign them up for team sports and encourage them to improve. But with video games we're just hoping they'll lose interest. So what message are we sending? Are we saying gamers really are losers? I think we might be. So I would tell my new unschooler self, right from the very beginning, to stop separating video game/computer time from other play time. In other words, try not to think of it as something "other" or bad.

I know this is really hard. My son was in a Waldorf school before we started this journey so we had serious restrictions on video game and computer use. We didn't ban them completely but they were not an option during the school week and on weekends he was only allowed a few hours of "screen time." But since the unschooling philosophy requires a parent to take her child's interests seriously, once we started unschooling I couldn't continue to look at Jerry's interest in video games as something that was worthless. By virtue of the fact that my son was interested in spending his time in front of the screen, the screen had worth.

For months I struggled with this. I was extremely uncomfortable with the amount of time he was spending in front of the tv, at the computer, or playing video games. I'm still not comfortable with the idea of spending all day in front of a screen but I keep my mouth shut--it's been a year now and he does it less and less. He finds interest in other things, seeks out my company and asks to play board games or draw or do things that I couldn't get him interested in when we began.

So I would also ask my new unschooler self--no, wait, I would insist--that she carefully consider the message she is sending to her child when she places negative judgments on the things that are near and dear to his heart.

I think that's it for now. I'm sure I'll come up with other ideas. In fact, if anyone else wants to put a similar post up at their own blog, I'd be happy to put a link to it here. I figure the new unschoolers need all the help and encouragement they can get. It's a rough few months when you're first starting out, questioning everything you ever believed about learning and parenting and trying to wrap your head around a style of learning that looks suspiciously like doing nothing. But once you make that paradigm shift "doing nothing" suddenly becomes "living joyfully" and things start to fall into place.

Unschooling? Me?

I've been thinking about why I haven't been posting much since we've been in New Zealand and aside from the fact that we've been traveling around a bit, I think the real reason is that this blog is about unschooling and the truth is I've hardly even thought about schooling in any form since we got here. And I'm thinking that's a good thing.

Sure, I take time to point things out to Jerry. I talk about what I've discovered since we've been here. We visit places and people where we can't help but learn something. And all of this newness has started a fair number of philosophical conversations. But the learning is just part of our day. It comes naturally.

So, for now, I think I've got this unschooling thing down. I have no illusions, however, that this will continue when we get home. Once we're home I'm sure I'll start feeling the pressure to take the more traditional route (not from other people--from myself). So I'm really enjoying this "vacation" from schooling of any kind. I only hope it continues when we get back to Los Angeles.

Note to new readers: If you are reading this and wondering why on earth a thinking, responsible parent (yep, that's me--thinking and responsible) would want to homeschool their child without actually "schooling" them, check out the links to the right under "What the heck is unschooling?" 

From Rotorua to Tauranga & An Unschooling Plan

After two nights with our host family in Rotorua we said farewell and hopped on a bus to Tauranga where another homeschooling family had invited us into their home. This next family lived on a hilltop with the most wonderful view. They had a miniature pony, chickens, a duck, and the sweetest dog, a bull mastiff named Zara.
That first night we roasted marshmallows in a fire pit in their garden then headed off to bed. The next day they took us to a beautiful reserve where we hiked to this waterfall,

had a picnic lunch, fed the ducks,then walked to this peaceful spot beside the water
where I found this tree with these crazy roots sticking up all around its trunk. Doesn't it look like a place where the faeries might dance?
On our way back to their house we stopped and walked around these lovely boulders. After a second night in Tauranga we checked out a few local beaches then caught the bus back to Auckland. It was such a fun week we needed two days to recover when we got back!

I can't stress enough how wonderful it has been getting to know all these homeschooling families. It's not just the fact that they are sharing what they love about New Zealand with us that makes meeting them so wonderful, though that in itself is a rare treat for any traveler. What I love is getting to know them and seeing how homeschooling works in their lives. No family we've met does homeschooling the same way. We've met traditional homeschoolers, radical unschoolers, and everything in between.

Being so new to unschooling I've frequently found myself wanting to "do it right," especially in those first few months (I'm approaching day 200 as an unschooler, by the way!). But trying to do something right often means following someone else's lead and while a guide is surely necessary early on (and I thank my lucky stars to have found several), at a certain point one needs blaze her own trail. Of course I'll always have a map in my back pocket in case of emergencies. But eventually I think I'll take everything I've learned and come up with a version of unschooling that's unique to our family.

For now, though, we're just enjoying our time in New Zealand and not thinking much about school, un-, home- or otherwise. Is Jerry learning anything? You bet. For math he's converting NZ Dollars to US Dollars, converting metric to standard measurement and back. He's baking. He's seeing our planet's inner workings in action. He's learning about the history of New Zealand, and with it some of Britain's history. And that's just the tip of the iceberg (he'll be seeing one of those up close in a few weeks).

This trip has made deschooling much easier for me. I wanted this blog to be an accurate representation of a typical first year of going from school to unschool. But with this trip I feel like I'm cheating--it won't really be a typical at all. I've been wondering, though, if thinking of the first year of deschooling as a vacation at home would be helpful for people. You know, buying a guidebook and doing all the things a tourist would do if they were visiting. I'm going to try to keep up the vacation when we get home. And I'm going to stick my nose out of my shell at Park Days a bit more so I can meet more people--just to keep up the things that I've enjoyed about being here.

By the way, I've decided that the whole month for every year in school thing should be thrown out the window. I think it's best for people fresh out of school to take an entire year. During that year follow your bliss, act like you're on vacation, go out of your way to meet other home- and unschoolers then, when that year is up, take a look at where you are and determine where you (and your family) want to go from there. That's my plan anyway and I'm sicking with it!

Stimulation Dilema

Before I get to the Stimulation Dilema, I want to share some pictures from our fabulous weekend. My parents came down and watched Jerry while I was at the Jane Austen Ball. This was my third year at the ball and it was the best one ever. I had so much fun!


Saturday we went to the Santa Monica Pier with my parents and went on some rides:


And enjoyed the good company and lovely weather:


My mom and dad have packed up and are on their way back home to Sacramento. They were going to take Patsy, our dog, since they'll be watching her while we're away, but Jerry and I decided we weren't ready for her to go yet--which means we'll need to drive her up three days before we leave, then turn right around and come home the next day. It was just too sad to think of being without her for two weeks before leaving and I think it would have made going away much harder for Jerry. He usually does fine when we're away from home for long periods of time but when he's homesick it's almost always Patsy that he misses most.

On to the Stimulation Dilema:

I feel like I've been so busy lately that Jerry has been left to his own devices a lot. It's not that I'm not here. I am. But I'm doing my own thing, leaving Jerry to be at the computer, play video games, watch television, or do whatever happens to strike his fancy at the moment. I suppose that's alright for a while but I don't feel quite right about it. It makes me feel like I'm not providing enough stimulation. A lot of people on the unschooling discussion lists say that when your kids watch television, for example, you should be watching with them, but I don't really like watching television. Also, I have so much to do before we go I can't imagine wasting time in front of the TV. I sit with Jerry when he asks me to, but if he doesn't ask I do other things. And he hasn't asked much lately. I keep thinking once we get to NZ it will be better because I won't have as much pulling my attention away from him. I do wonder, though, when we're just living our daily lives what's the best way to be sure I'm not slacking off in the educational stimulation department. Even when I'm busy I continue to bring interesting bits of information to his attention, so I know I'm doing something, at least, but I don't really think that's enough.

Jerry's Writing!

Jerry wrote a persuasive essay! I'm thrilled! I'm not evolved enough as an unschooler to stay calm about about something that resembles school learning which I had absolutely no part in initiating. I'm still too close to the me that sees it as the only way to learn--I mean, acquire knowledge. This is my first glimpse of how he will learn (I know, I'm using it again) schoolish things without any pressure from me. Yippee! He even used a writing book I had purchased back when I went crazy buying school supplies.

It was so exciting. It all started because his friend couldn't follow through on a planned play date because of homework. Jerry was so upset he decided to write a letter to his friend's school about why kids shouldn't have homework. He did research about homework online (granted, he use Wikipedia, but I didn't mutter a word) and wrote a terrific letter. I just kept washing dishes, not saying anything unless he asked. I was so afraid I would ruin the experience for him by turning it into a lesson. I kept expecting him to lose steam and just put it aside but he kept at it, even referring to the book. (I mentioned that we had a book with a section on how to write persuasive essays only after he asked how he should write it.)

The only suggestion I made was that he send the letter to the editor of the newspaper, where it would reach more readers, instead of sending it to his friend's school, where it could get his friend in trouble.

Someday I suppose I'll take this kind of effort on Jerry's part in stride, but for now it's proof that when he has a compelling reason to learn something, he'll learn it.

Funny Stuff At The Parenting Pit

The Parenting Pit just made my day. Hurry over to there and read today's post--it's so so funny!

Click here and enjoy!

Saying Goodbye & Some Unschooling Explanations

Warren is off to New Zealand. Now it's just me, Jerry, the dog, two cats, a hermit crab, two tarantulas (don't ask!) and my twenty-something niece. Sounds like a full house but it feels pretty empty. I don't usually get all sad over Warren leaving (it's just part of his work) but this time is different. Jerry and I created a countdown on our calendar so we know exactly how many days will pass until we see him again.

Last time we went on location together was 2006. We were in London for two months. A week before our departure for home Jerry and I had taken the train up to a beautiful town in North Yorkshire called Whitby. On our second day there Jerry had a terrible cycling accident. There was no blood. He just fell and hit the handlebars wrong and the impact was so strong it lacerated his liver and bruised a couple other organs. We ended up spending two nights in ICU and a total of ten days in the hospital (mostly at the pediatric liver unit in Leeds). When I think of that experience I almost never think of it as bad luck or say to myself "wasn't it awful?" I can only think of how lucky we were to bring him home with us.

Anyway, I think that's why I'm feeling so sad about Warren leaving. Logically, I know the accident was a fluke. There's no reason something like that should happen again just because we're going on location. Thinking that way is ridiculous and I know it! But I guess it's bringing back all the memories and feelings of those last weeks in England and our trip home. We were all in such a state of shock.

Ugh. Sorry to sound so glum! The good news is that I've had absolutely no time for fretting over what Jerry is learning. In fact, I'm trying to lose the word "learning" from my vocabulary. I've decided it's wound up too tightly with school and the more tyrannical forms of education. My new word (words, actually) is (are) going to be "acquiring knowledge." I can't deny that Jerry is acquiring knowledge daily. In fact, Webkinz has turned out to be his latest source for all kinds of information! Who knew!? And he's getting really excited about New Zealand and Fiji (we're going to try for a side trip to Fiji!!) He's also learning a lot about medieval warfare (and lots of new vocabulary) through reading Redwall. We're reading it together and though I'm not entirely enamored with the story, I can't deny that the writing is pretty good.

I've just realized that writing "I've had absolutely no time for fretting over what Jerry is learning" and meaning it as a GOOD thing, will probably shock any readers who are new to my blog and aren't familiar with Unschooling. If you click on the link to the right of my blog that says "Joyfully Rejoicing" (or just click here) you'll find lots and lots of information about Unschooling written by Joyce Fetteroll. She explains it beautifully.

Here are a couple excerpts from her Unschooling Philosophy page:

The principles of unschooling are that humans are born learners. That children will learn best when given the freedom to learn what, when and how they want.

The goal of unschooling is not education. It is to help a child be who she is and blossom into who she will become. Learning happens as a side effect.

These are from How Unschooling Works:

Real learning is how they learned to speak English. If you can step back and look at it objectively, they don't consciously learn to speak. It's just there. They absorb how others use it. They play with it. They pick up a piece and use it as a tool to get what they need because it's better than the tools they had been using. (They realize "ook" gets them milk more efficiently than crying.) They never think, "Oh, English is useful. I need to practice and get better at it." They just use a variety of tools (including English) trying to get what they want and get better at the tools that work best as a side effect.

All the stuff they teach in school are tools that people might use to get what they want. In real life if someone is reading Charles Dickens and wants to know why society was like that, they'll read some history. Unfortunately schools do it backwards: giving kids the tools before they have the reasons or desire to use them, e.g., making them study Victorian England in case they want to understand Charles Dickens better. And because the tools are so dull when taken out of context, kids often turn away from the things the tools are good for.

Unfortunately there isn't a short cut from believing learning needs to look like school to believing that learning by doing is enough. And some people understand it's enough but still harbor feelings that it isn't enough. (The messages we pick up from society are pretty insidious and their roots go deep!) Read about the real learning unschooling kids are doing. Observe real learning in your own kid. (And take off the school glasses when you do it! ;-) Eventually you'll get it. :-)

That last one is good news for me.

Our First 100 Days, A Recap

I couldn't sleep. I'm starting to get anxious about our trip. Actually, I'm nervous about preparing for our trip--not the trip itself. For the last two days I've had butterflies in my stomach pretty much all the time. And they're not the good kind. I bought our plane tickets yesterday, which should make me feel better because at least now I know when we're leaving--there's not so much uncertainty now. Still, I needed Rescue Remedy before bed last night. Thank goodness for Rescue Remedy!

The real reason I got at out bed at 5:30 a.m., though, was not to give you a sob story, but to write an overview of our first 100 days. Sally at Happy@Home suggested celebrating our first 100 days of unschooling and I loved that idea but, unfortunately, the day slipped by unnoticed. That was during the week we had out of town guests and I was pretty sick.

So, here's a recap our first 100 days of unschooling--where we've come from and where we are now:

The Beginning
In the beginning, before we started unschooling or even homeschooling, I knew unschooling was not right for us. It seemed way to haphazard. I remember reading about unschoolers putting books and magazines on their coffee table just hoping they would generate some interest from their kids and thinking, "I could never do that." I couldn't trust that learning would happen if it wasn't somehow forced.

The Decision to Homeschool
After five years of Waldorf school we decided to homeschool again (we'd done it for kindergarten) and I started making plans. Oh how I love making plans! I researched curricula and books. I scoured the internet for unit studies. I shopped. I set up our "school" room. I printed up weekly schedules on the computer. I spent way too much money, that's for sure. But it was really fun. I was excited.

Then we started "school." Day one was fun, we went on a field trip to the Science Center, but by day three we weren't speaking to each other. This wasn't part of my plan.

The Decision to Unschool
In desperation, I turned to unschooling. Unschoolers claimed that their kids learned willingly, without arguments and ordeals. That sounded pretty good to me. Here's what I wrote at the time:

So, I found myself at the edge of a cliff. Behind me, on solid ground, was traditional homeschooling. Among the landscape that made up this method were math worksheets, book reports, and english lessons. There were also arguments, tears and frustration. In front of me, deep within the chasm just beyond my big toe, lay the world of unschooling. It was vast and dark and downright terrifying. But my instincts told me to jump.

I did.

Unschooling 101
It was rough going at first. This post, and this one, describe what happened once I made the decision. But, I'll go ahead and summarize here:
1. I started losing sleep, convinced that my decision would not only ruin my son's chances for a good future but bring about his death. (I know. I have no defense. I'm ridiculous.)
2. I learned about deschooling.
3. I joined the Unschooling Basics Yahoo! Group and discovered that unschooling is not just a form of education--it's a whole new way of parenting that involves taking children seriously. Seriously. That means taking their interests seriously too--like their interest in video games. That was a tough one for me.
4. I told my husband. He was willing to trust me but he was not exactly eager to jump off the cliff with me. He sort of laid down near the edge and watched with one eye.
5. I joined an Independent Study Program because the woman that runs it said she unschooled her kids and I felt like I could use some support.
6. My Grandma bought Jerry his own laptop.

So, like I said, in the beginning things were rough. This graph says it all.

There were times when I tried some "teaching" (even though we were supposed to be deschooling) to appease my husband. It always ended badly. Eventually we hit our stride. But not until I gave up on trying to impose restrictions on Jerry's video game and television time and truly allowed him to make his own choices. Here's something I wrote from that period:

We'll see. That's my mantra. We'll see. I've diverged so far from the Waldorf path we'd been on before that I'm beginning to get a little worried. But...we'll see. I'm trying to have an open mind. I'm questioning my beliefs and trying to find answers that are all my own. Heck, I even checked out a book called Don't Bother Me Mom--I'm Learning, about how computer and video games prepare children for success. I never would have even entertained this thought two months ago. Of course, I'm balancing that book out with another one called Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men, which makes the opposite argument. We'll see....

I had lots of angst-filled days (and nights) trying to wrap my head around this new philosophy, but I always made my way back to feeling it was right--eventually. Here's an excerpt from a post that started out full of doubts and ended with certainty:

When we choose to unschool we grant credence to our children's philiosphies and values as well as our own. What a gift! If our kids never learn that the philosophies we live and work by must always come from other people, won't they be more likely to live lives that are consistent with their own beliefs? And aren't we happiest when the way we live is an extension of the things we believe?

The Honeymoon Phase
We entered our Honeymoon Phase in mid-November, after many ups and downs. Here's an example of a perfect day. They're not all like this, of course, but in this post I translated our activities into "school speak" for my husband's benefit. It shows how learning can happen even when you're not "Teaching."

100 Days and Counting
Where are we now that we've passed the 100 day mark? We're still in our Honeymoon Phase but the holidays have taken some of the focus off of our unschooling adventure, which is good, I think. It feels more like we're just living our lives--following our bliss, so to speak. We're not doing anything that looks like traditional learning and I'm finally okay with that. They say deschooling takes a month for every year your child was in school--and much longer for parents--so Jerry should be nearing the end. I honestly don't know how I'll be able to tell when he's left deschooling for unschooling. I imagine the transition will be almost invisible. For me, I think it took most of those first 100 days just to get rid of the notion that learning looks a certain way and to stop worrying about what people will think.

I still cringe when Jerry tells people he does nothing but play video games all day. But thankfully there are wonderful people who comment on my blog and talk me down from my hysteria. They remind me that kids usual response to "What did you do in school today?" is "Nothing." And they also remind me that whether it's true or not (sometimes it is but most often it's not) other people's opinions are just that--and they don't really matter.

There's still a lot that I don't know. But, after 100 days of unschooling, here are some things I know:

1. Jerry has never been happier.
2. My relationship with Jerry has never been better.
3. Jerry and his dad are getting along better than ever.
4. Video games are not evil.
5. The golden rule applies to our children. If we treat them as we wish to be treated, they blossom.
6. Jerry may not learn the exact same things as school kids--but he'll learn (is learning) about what interests him, and he'll remember it because it matters to him.
7. Pursuing my own learning is, naturally, one of the best things I can do for myself. But it's also great for Jerry. He gets wrapped up in my excitement and ends up learning with me.
8. The whole world is our classroom and everyone in it is a potential teacher. This knowledge has opened up countless learning opportunities for us because we're much more willing to ask questions and start conversations.
Okay, I had the list finished and the post published but now I keep thinking of things to add to this list. Here are a few more:
9. Saying "Yes!" more is an great way to ease into unschooling and it doesn't require a complete overhaul of your lifestyle. Besides that, it's just a good policy. Say yes to as much as possible!
10. Unschooling is 99.9% about trust. You have to trust that your child wil learn and you have to trust that learning can happen organically.
(I'll probably make more additions as they come to me!)

So, there you have it. Our first 100 days in a nutshell. Here's to another hundred! And another...and another...and another...

On Trust

Now that we're starting to settle in to our routine (or non-routine, really) I can finally get back to talking about trust.

Here's how my handy widget dictionary defines trust:
(noun)
-Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of someone or something.

-The state of being responsible for someone or something.

-A hope or expectation.

(verb)
-To allow someone to have, use or look after (someone or something of importance or value) with confidence.

A couple weeks ago I was telling Jerry that there's a form of unschooling where the parents give their children complete freedom to make their own choices. His eyes got really big and he got a huge grin on his face. "Would that be a good idea for us?" I asked.

"No way!" he said, "I'd probably just play video games all day."

I laughed, but at the same time I felt a little sad. I want him to trust himself with those choices, but I know I'm not entirely ready to hand them over to him. Thankfully, I've (finally!) recognized that I don't need to hand them over all at once. I'm working my way up to a "firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength" of my son. But I'm taking baby steps.

One thing that stands out to me in the above definitions of trust is the emphasis on "belief" and "confidence." Part of the problem I was having at the start of our unschooling, with letting Jerry set his own screen time, was that I was giving trust without belief or confidence--and that's not trust. No wonder we were having problems!

Jerry knows I don't have all the answers. He can see that I'm asking questions, making choices, evaluating, and correcting as we go. We talk about my choices, and his, and we try to come up with a plan that works for all of us (my husband, included).

I still think Jerry takes comfort in some of the boundries we've set for him. But as time goes by, we'll lift those boundries and shift control to him. When we're ready.

As my confidence and belief in my son grows, so will his confidence and belief in himself grow.

That's my hope.

A Revelation (& Some Poetry)

I'm gearing up to start a teeny bit of "teaching." Not a huge amount. Just enough to make my husband relax a bit. We all have to be okay with what's happening in our house and at this point Warren is having some doubts about the whole child-led learning thing. I'm not quite ready to break out the workbooks, but I did order the "I Hate Mathematics Book" and I bought what looks like a really cool science book with some history thrown in called--shoot, I can't find it. That's the down side of being messy. You can never find anything when you need it. Anyway, the book is all about great inventions throughout history, who invented them and why, and it gives you instructions on how to create the inventions yourself. There's a pottery wheel, a trebuchet, vegetable dye...it looks really fun.

The reason I'm not jumping right in, though, is that I want it to feel kind of organic. I'm not sure if that's possible since organic would be coming from Jerry. I'm trying to devise a plan that will make it seem organic, at least--maybe even make it seem like Jerry's idea. But, before I start that I really think I should write out my educational philosophy. I know. I know. I said I was going to do that weeks ago. I'm procrastinating.

Why am I procrastinating? I think I'm kind of scared. Dumb, huh? I mean, I've already chosen homeschooling, then I went even further outside the norm and decided to try unschooling, so it's clear I'm taking my own path but writing down my educational philosophy will mean that I have to own it. It will mean that I'm not going by what other people are telling me is "right."

Oh my God! I've just had a revelation! I went from doing what the Waldorf school said was right, directly into doing what the unschoolers say is right. So I'm comfortable being told what to do because that's the usual way of life. The "experts" give their opinions, tell you what you need to do, and you do it--at least I do. So this whole time I thought I was such an individual, but really I just went from following one (not so mainstream) set of rules to following another (even less mainstream) set of rules. Sure, they weren't rules the majority of people in the US were following, but they were still rules. Wow! That explains my fixation with unschooling the "right" way. This is fascinating! I've been a follower for so long, that even though I'm on the road not (or less) taken I'm busy trying to step into someone else's footprints. Wow! I have to stop that!

Okay, here's the Robert Frost poem for some inspiration:

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

So, for about the 500th time I'm telling myself to mellow out, and do what feels right to me. I guess I don't even really need to "gear up." It's okay if I don't know what's right immediately. It's okay if I don't have a plan. I can still move forward.

One of the reasons I felt the need to prepare for this teeny bit of teaching, though, is that I'm still unsure about the place of the computer and video games in our daily lives. Jerry likes to turn them on in the morning as soon as he wakes up, which I completely understand because I like to do the same thing. It helps me ease into the day. It also tends to suck the day away, if we're not careful. So maybe I won't wait until I "figure out" the screen thing before I make some changes. I'll start the teaching (facilitating? guiding?) slowly by showing him some of the books I bought, by doing some of the experiements with him, by continuing our mental math and maybe even writing some of it down. Maybe our daily rhythms will adjust on their own and I won't have to "gear up" for anything.

But I do have to figure out MY philosophy on education. That I'm sure of. I need to know what I believe, so I can stop trying to do what other people think is best. Okay. I'll do that but I won't wait until it's finished to start making small changes to our daily lives.

I'm going to end with another poem. This is by my favorite poet, Mary Oliver.

Why I Wake Early

Hello, sun in my face.
Hello, you who make the morning
and spread it over the fields
and into the faces of the tulips
and the nodding morning glories,
and into the windows of, even, the
miserable and the crotchety –

best preacher that ever was,
dear star, that just happens
to be where you are in the universe
to keep us from ever-darkness,
to ease us with warm touching,
to hold us in the great hands of light –
good morning, good morning, good morning.

Watch, now, how I start the day
in happiness, in kindness.

Funky Town

My husband finally bought an electric guitar! He's been talking about getting one for ages, all the while religiously playing his acoustic every night before bed. Yesterday, he finally made his choice and brought one home. Here he is with J leaving the Guitar Center where, after many hours of deliberation, he chose a Les Paul.J wanted to be the first to play it once we got home. Here's Warren giving him some pointers.
It was a good weekend. We acheived a nice balance of family time and personal time, the weather was perfect, we finally got the guitar. I can't complain. But, you know, I still didn't feel quite right. I felt happy, but not my usual happy. And I've been feeling that way for a while now.

I think I'm in a funk.

It's time to take action. Time to say good-bye to Funky Town. Here's my escape plan:

1.) Take my vitamins every day. (I've been slacking.)
2.) Stop putting things off. The main things I've been putting off are a) balancing my checkbook; b) securing an interview for my next newspaper column; c) mailing the numerous birthday and baby gifts I've purchased in the last couple months; d) dropping off our donations at the Goodwill. These will all be crossed off my To Do List by Friday.

3.) Go for a walk or a hike at least once a day.

4.) Stop reasearching and reading about unschooling and just do it. I've been obbsessed with figuring this whole thing out, but I'm coming to the conclusion that the best way to figure it out is to stop looking over my shoulder at what other people are doing and just do what I think is right for us. (Yes, I know I already said something like this, but I need to get hit over the head several times before a new idea sinks in. This is whack number two.) So, this week I'm not going to read about unschooling, except for in the John Holt book that I started last week. I'll still read the blogs I 've discovered, but I won't go searching for information. I'll just read the daily posts and go on about my business.

So that's the plan. Let's hope it works!

Things To Do When You Start To Unschool

I've decided to come up with a list of Things To Do When You Start To Unschool. These are things I wish I'd done a month ago when we started this adventure. Some of them are still on my To Do list but I'll be checking them off soon (I swear!).

1. Take a daily multi-vitamin. This is first because it will help with the inevitable ups and downs that accompany any attempt to step outside the boundries of what our society calls "normal"--and, it's good for you. (I'm starting mine tomorrow!)



2. Read Teach Your Own by John Holt and Pat Farenga. It's so full of wisdom and common sense--you'll be a lot less likely to doubt your decision once you've read this book. (I'm only half way through and I can already say that!)



3. Relax! This is easier said than done, but thinking back to what you learned in school and how much of it you use on a daily basis will help. Also, try thinking of the first months of unschooling as a time to rekindle your relationship with your kid(s). Let the relationship be your focus instead of "Learning."


4. Develop your philosophy of education and write it down. This site will walk you through the process by asking all kinds of terrific questions. (I haven't done this yet either. If I had done it, I probably wouldn't have bored you to tears with those last few whine-o-rama sessions because I would have been able to reread my own personal education philosophy, thus reaffirming my choice to unschool and sparing you all the annoyance of listening to--I mean reading--that drivel.)

That's all I've come up with so far. Can you think of anything else I should add to the list?

I'm A Bloupie

Since I have yet to meet the friend I described to you in my last posting (apparently finding such a friend takes more than twelve hours), I've decided to become a blog groupie (a bloupie?) at The Parenting Pit. The guy that writes it, Arun, is exactly the friend I need right now--except that he lives a million miles away, or thereabouts.

His posting entitled An Unschooling Journey was really helpful.

Uh oh, gotta go. J is asking me to get off the computer (a little role reversal!) so I can watch him build a Space Marine.