July 31, 2008

P.A.T.H.E.T.I.C.

Seriously. What am I going to do when Jerry grows up and leaves home if I can't even manage 12 days? He's been gone for 12 days now and yesterday I was willing that phone to ring, just waiting for the words, "I want to come home" to sail in through the earpiece. My bags were packed and ready. I could have been out the door in an instant. Okay, my bags weren't packed. But I could have been out the door in an instant.

Last night I laid awake wondering if I might be able to get a job at camp (cow milking? pig deodorizing?) for this last week. I had it all planned. They wouldn't need to give me a room. I could just pitch a tent somewhere on the ranch and I'd stay out of Jerry's way and everything but at least I'd be there. If he needed me he could come to my tent for a quick hug. He could talk to me about the girl that's been annoying him while I milk the cow. He could walk in front of me with his nose plugged while I carry the pig slop down the hill trying not to let it spill on my new farming shoes (because I'd have to buy a new pair of shoes for the job, right?). He'd still sleep on his platform with the boys but he'd know that somewhere out there, under the third Oak to the right, perhaps, his mother was stoking her tiny campfire, reading some Jane Austen, and waiting to be needed. See what I mean? Pathetic. What is wrong with me?!

I should have had more children. Or I should have planned my three weeks in advance so I wouldn't have so much free time for thinking about things and missing people. Speaking of time for thinking, I can't find that Howard Zinn audio book now. That's what happens when you're me. You spend a week cleaning and organizing your house so you know where to find things and then you can't find the one thing you want.

But I shouldn't dwell on the missing or the misplaced. There are lots of good things happening:
  1. I got nominated for Allesandra's Homeschool Blog award. Woohoo!! Go to her blog and vote for me! In the meantime I'll try to think up a catchy slogan. Something like, "Vote Colleen! She's keen!" or "New Unschooler! It sure rule-ers!" No?
  2. Two students came to look at our room for rent this week and they were both really nice. (The one that seemed more interested does have one slight drawback--she has a chihuahua. Puh-lease. How can you even call those things dogs?)
  3. I'm helping a friend with her son's birthday party today. It's a big carnival party and should be loads of fun.
  4. Tomorrow I'm having lunch with one of the mom's from Jerry's old school. She's someone I really like who's husband also works in the film business, so we can commiserate on life as married mothers who happen to be single much of the time.
  5. A bunch of friends from our Grateful Dead days are coming over for a BBQ on Saturday.
  6. Our house did not fall down in the earthquake.
  7. Our deck is coming along nicely and even though it's way smaller than we wanted it to be I think it's going to be lovely.
  8. I put shelves in one of the closets downstairs and now all of our blankets are in one place so I will always be able to find them when I need them (unlike the Howard Zinn audio book).
  9. I'm leaving to pick Jerry up exactly one week from today.
I feel a little better now.

No comments: